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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HousingRoyal844 on 2023-10-01 21:50:02.

Obligatory throwaway because my main has identifying info on it.

I (35M) am getting married to my long-time partner (32M) next spring. It will be a relatively smaller affair, as half of my family is no longer in contact with the other half due to family drama, and half of my partner’s family is homophobic. We are committed to celebrating our love with those who love and support us the most.

As my partner and I were making the guest list, we decided we wanted our nephews/nieces in attendance if possible, including spots as ring bearer/flower girl, etc. We decided to invite children above the age of 7 to the ceremony and meal portion of the reception. Around 9 pm the children will be taken by grandparents/anyone who does not wish to dance or party to a hotel suite we have reserved, where they will watch movies and stay for the night.

My partner and I agreed that we did not want my brother’s son, my eldest nephew, at our wedding. For lack of better phrasing, he’s become increasingly homophobic over the years. First, it started innocent enough - “why aren’t you with a woman,” “boys can’t date boys,” etc. Just common misconceptions of youth. Then it escalated to “being gay is gross” and “that’s unnatural.” Finally, it culminated in him telling us not to hold hands around, or even touch, his younger brother because we are “trying to turn him gay.” I also have checked his social media accounts and have seen him calling people the f-word and saying truly horrible things about gay men specifically.

We have no idea where he got this attitude from. My brother has always been my biggest supporter since I came out and my SIL has very close gay friends and family members herself. They are both appalled by his behavior and have apologized multiple times.

We decided to not invite my nephew to the wedding - I only want positive energy there that day and I doubt he’d want to watch two men get married and kiss at the altar anyway. I told my brother and SIL while we were out at dinner and my SIL looked incredibly sad and asked if I would reconsider. She said he’ll never learn to accept gay people if he doesn’t see how normal gay people are, including at a wedding. She thinks it will show him that “love is love.” I said that was a nice thought but it wasn’t my job to risk my happy day by inviting someone who has made it openly known that he finds me and my partner “disgusting.” I told her the decision was final. She accepted it and said the rest of the family would attend, but commented that he’ll for sure hate us after he finds out he wasn’t invited.

I feel confident that I didn’t overstep, but I also worry she’s right that I’m only going to further alienate him. My parents also feel it is unfair to invite the entire family minus one person who also happens to be a minor. AITA for not inviting him?