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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AdeptTelephone743 on 2023-10-02 10:57:36.

A good friend (M29) of mine (M28) is getting married in 5 months and asked me to be his best man.

Where we are from it is common to ask the best man to buy the wedding rings out of his pocket (not the engagement ring that is usually pricier, that’s done by the groom). This is usually instead of another present.

I was up for it, however from what I understood the bride wanted a wedding way out of their league (financially speaking) and instead wanted a huge wedding where instead of the presents each invited person pays an entry fee.

I am honestly against this kind of things but whether or not I consider it a good idea is not the point of this post. After all it’s not my wedding.

The entry fee is of 500 euros, per person, to make up for the Michelin star chef, the location, the live music, the cathedral for the cerimony, and from what I understood the bride wants to arrive to the place on a white coach with god knows how many horses.

This information was handed out only after people confirmed that they were going to attend (the reasoning being that the more people there are the less it’s going to cost per person and they wanted to know the number prior to that).

This is causing quite a few people to withdraw from the wedding, since most people aren’t willing to spend 1k per couple for a meal.

This in turn is causing the price per person to go up, more people from pulling back etc and basically bride and groom are arguing with a lot of people that “abandoned her” and are about to “ruin her special day etc”.

I thought that, since I had to buy the rings, I was kind of excluded from this “entry fee” thing. Apparently I was wrong and now both me and my partner are expected to pay up another 1K euros total.

I already live abroad, therefore to get to the wedding I had to get plane tickets on top of the rings that I already ordered but I don’t think that me and my partner can afford another 1k euros on top of that.

I told my friend that I am willing to leave him the rings but I can’t come to the wedding if that’s the price of it.

I already booked the holiday and the flight though, therefore I would still be up for a drink before the wedding, to hand him the rings etc.

Also I told him that I am still up for the stag do and if he wanted to find another best man and keep the rings I already ordered it would be completely okay for me.

He was understanding however the bride was quite angry and she called me back saying that I am an AH because I am abandoning my friend at the altar as everybody else, that I am a terrible best man and that despite what he said I devastated him and ruined his day.

The wedding is in 5 more months but apparently it’s too late for them to cancel people and me agreeing to to is causing them to spend more money, on top of having fewer people.

So what is it, AITAH for not going?