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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/nicuRN_88 on 2023-10-02 14:43:14.

Married men who are satisfied with their sex life - how often do you jerk off and/or look at porn? How often do you and your partner have sex? I know there is a wide range here but looking for what’s average.

To add some context - my partner and I (both 35) are coming up on our 3 year anniversary and have sex 1-2 times per week. He watches porn/jerks off as part of his daily wake up routine, which I am always still asleep for. I am all for masturbation and porn, we all do it. But I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that being a daily “routine”. As far as it affecting other areas of our life - there has been an uptick in sex where he can’t finish so I’m not sure if that’s related.

I believe no one has the right to police another persons body and what they do with it, but I feel like we’re teetering on it becoming an issue when we’re in the bedroom together. I don’t have hang ups on porn or masturbation in general, but it’s my opinion that daily porn/jerking off seems excessive. I also know there is a wide range of the “normal” spectrum, so what might seem excessive to me is actually totally normal and common.

I guess I’m just looking for advice on processing and accepting this. I know his porn usage has nothing to do with me or his attraction toward me. We had a long discussion last night and some of the things he said made me question if he’s actually being reasonable and putting things in a light I’ve not considered before, or if I’m being gaslit (I know, I hate that word too). We are starting counseling as soon as my new insurance kicks in, which was his idea, so I do think he’s hearing my concerns and willing to do what we need to do to get past this.

ETA: great comments, insight, and advice so far. I really appreciate this. For whomever is downvoting my replies, if you can explain why I genuinely would like to know.