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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwRA295726 on 2023-10-02 23:05:37.

My husband (31M) and I (30F) don’t have kids yet but recently moved into a home with a full kitchen, instead of an apartment. Over the last year we held both thanksgiving and Christmas Eve and invited my and his immediate families. That’s already about 20 people, so cooking is pretty hectic. We do have a few aunts and uncles we would have loved to invite but wanted to start there since it’s a lot of work and keep it small.

My husband’s family is pretty spread out and doesn’t have many traditions, the opposite of mine. If we don’t plan a holiday, it probably won’t happen, and they tend to stay at home and eat takeout or maybe have friends over. Meanwhile, my family is pretty strong on the “holidays are for family” vibe. The people who came from his family were his brother and his wife (SIL) with their kids, and husband’s dad and his partner. However, BIL asked if SIL’s mother could come since she lives with them part time. Trying to be flexible and since she’s part of their immediate family, we said yes of course. They then asked if her sister could come who does have family in the area (not sure why she couldn’t spend it with them). This was a little annoying for us, because we had our own aunts and uncles we would have wanted to invite, but my husband ended up saying yes because he felt cornered.

This happened again for Christmas, but they didn’t ask, they just all showed up. It’s pretty clear now that they just expect both of their in-laws to be invited to everything holiday-related. While they’re both nice, I went through all the trouble to spend time with family, and I felt like I ended up trying to integrate them into our home and talking to them a lot.

I’ve had some chronic pain issues this year and told my husband I’m not up for hosting holidays, but we can do a family party maybe in late November if he’s ok with that. He got pretty upset and said the whole point of a house was to host family. I told him I honestly don’t want to go through all of the work when the invite list keeps growing NOT from our own family (and I have a hunch an additional cousin from SIL’s family will be added this year). He said it’s the holidays and we should be welcoming because that’s the spirit. I’m feeling a little bad and don’t know if I’m being too strict, but am also just still annoyed. My brother doesn’t bring his in-laws, and “one more person” can easily turn into 10 if everyone started doing that. Also, my husband probably wouldn’t be able to do it without me because he doesn’t cook, though he does get everything ready around the house. WIBTA if I didn’t host holidays?