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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRApharm2023 on 2023-10-03 04:00:15.

I am a pharmacist and we moved to CA this month. To practice in CA, we have a separate exam (CPJE) which has pretty piss poor pass rate (like 50-60% pass rate). I started studying a month ago on my free time but it’s limited since we also have two children (3y and 6mo). I initially opposed the move due to the CPJE exam horrible pass rate and suggested we don’t move until AFTER I passed.

Well, here we are. He couldn’t wait for the promotion and wanted to come here. He’s in bigtech so we’re in the bay area. He makes decent money (200-250k give or take depending on bonuses, places us in solid middle class in the bay area). I told him I can’t work because I have to pass this test (test date is Nov 6, but if I fail, then I have to retake it after another 1.5 mo or longer). I’m staying home to study and I do the pick up and drop off for our kids at daycare.

He’s saying we should pull them from daycare so I can watch them as a SAHM. I told him I wouldn’t have time to study. He then said I should just go get any part time job. I told him I refused to work some minimum wage job because we don’t NEED that money. It would only generate like 400-500/wk or around 20-25k per year - which is a nice bonus but not necessary for us.

He says I need to stop being a freeloader and contribute to the home. I told him he was being unreasonable because I am the primary caretaker of our two kids before and after daycare and do all the chores at home already - no different than a SAHM who have kids in K-12. Plus the reason I am jobless is because of him and I initially opposed the move.

We’re currently at a standoff. He’s wants me to financially contribute to the family by either watching both kids all the time or telling me to work at some random job (ie. mcdonalds) and that results in way less time studying and possibly ruining my career for good.

So am I an AH for refusing to work?