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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/221_Honey on 2023-10-03 04:26:38.

My wife (35F) and I (32F) have been together close to 10 years but married for only two. When we moved in with each other years ago my wife and I shared tasks. She liked to take trash out and clean the bathroom. I organized things, did the bills, and cooking. The other tasks were picked up by who ever had free time. Yet over the last few months I have been struggling with the feeling I am the only grown adult in our home.

I am the one who cooks, does the bills, and now prompt any deep cleaning. If my wife does cleaning now she expects me to look at her work and tell her she did a good job. Almost like a kid wanted a gold star. Yet it’s hard to give her that praise when the living room looks like a tornado hit. What finally made me snap was a planned trip (she had asked for) to go to my family’s lake house. Before every trip she knows I like to clean up the house so we don’t have to deal with it when we come back. Yet when I came home the house was a mess. Nothing was touched.

I hadn’t expected a spotless house but at minimum dishes in the dishwasher or sink. Maybe trash set aside to go down or a load of wash ready for my work clothes. I explained my disappointment and frustration yet she didn’t seem to understand. Instead she asked if we were still going to the lake or not. I want to go to the lake house and said yes. So I started cleaning and after awhile she hopped in. Like her new normal she just cleaned the kitchen then laid back on the couch pulling up a phone app. I was still picking up trash around the house, gathering clothing for a wash at the cabin versus a wash when we got home, getting us packed, and grabbing snacks. I remember standing there as she spaced out. Not a care in the world for her while I was still busting butt to get us out the door.

And honestly… I snapped. I yelled at her about how she was lounging around while I worked. She yelled back how I didn’t tell her what she needed to do which just pissed me off more. I went as far as yelled that I wasn’t her adult to assign tasks or hold her hand. She was a big adult who could make choices. All during our ride she wouldn’t talk to me and kept playing her phone app. Currently I am on the porch writing this while my wife is peppering me with so many questions that I could write a wiki walkthrough steps on how to use the microwave, where plates are, and how to heat her pizza. Mind you she has been in the cabin before and knows that I don’t know this house that well either cause my family moves things constantly. Plus she is literally in her 30s and she can figure this out without me guiding her through. Am I the asshole for wanting my wife to act like the adult I loved and married?