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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bad_with_finances on 2023-10-03 11:29:00.

We were dating 4 months. I surprised them & took them to see an orchestra & a fancy restaurant Friday night to celebrate. I wasn’t feeling well due to a new med I was taking for adhd, so I asked my partner to drive home. My partner thought the medication was a bad idea.

I noticed we’re in the left lane & saw cars passing on the right. I pointed out we’re in the left lane, that people were passing; my partner didn’t mind. “I’m not worrying about all of them.”

I responded “I’m not asking you to worry or be anxious about them, but usually the left lane is for passing or people going at/over speed limit, not people going the limit or under.” The conversation went in a loop, as more people passed on the right to get around us, with my partner interrupting me several times.

I asked what the cost would be to move over to the right lane. The response was “nothing.”

“I think it’s inconsiderate when there’s something you can do to make someone else’s life better that costs you nothing, & you choose not to do it.”

My partner disagreed that this was inconsiderate, replied this is driving for the conditions since the road was winding back there. Then drove the following 8 miles, down a mostly straight road, in the left lane, at the speed limit or 7-10 mph under.

We talked about it the next day, at which point they admitted 0 fault & disagreed that this was inconsiderate. Even after agreeing on the definition of “inconsiderate” being “when something costs nothing to you & makes other’s lives better & you refuse to do it.” They maintain no wrong was done, even after admitting that other people’s lives would’ve been easier if we moved to the other lane & that changing lanes cost nothing.

How can you admit that other people’s lives would’ve been made easier by a change to the right lane, admit that it costs nothing to do so, & still maintain that it wasn’t inconsiderate to use the left lane for 8 miles of straight road while going below the speed limit?

I felt petty. This was an attractive, intelligent, great conversationalist. Someone I saw as a marriage prospect, outside of a minor attitude problem where they interrupt in conversation with a condescending/combative tone of voice.

It wasn’t about driving at that point, it was a core value difference. If we can’t agree on what is/isn’t inconsiderate, we’re screwed. There are times my partner criticized behavior from me that wasn’t great. I reflected, apologized, admitted I was wrong & changed.

I’ll make mistakes& behave poorly. I’m human: bad behavior isn’t a dealbreaker for me. It’s when the stubborn need to be right is more important than being open to changing inconsiderate behavior.

I feel bad because I asked them to drive home, & now I’m criticizing you & breaking up with you over it? If I hadn’t taken the pil, I would’ve been fine & in a happy relationship. My friend & therapist tell me I’m not the asshole, but they’re my friends, & I pay my therapist, so I don’t believe them.