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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Turbulent-Ad-6954 on 2023-10-03 11:54:51.

Just to paint the picture I was engaged to a Japanese girl over 6 years ago. I traveled for work at the time and had met her while over there.

Things ended up not working out and we split and we don’t talk anymore. I believe she lives in LA and is happily remarried now. (I’m genuinely happy for her and her husband.)

However, having spent a considerable amount of time bouncing back and forth between Tokyo & the states throughout the duration of that relationship (5 years) I really grew to love the city and culture. Yes. I grew up being a nerd but I don’t care about any of that, just more the city itself. I’d learnt a good amount of the language while being there and had plans to return and travel to Osaka prior to the COVID shutting everything down. Full transparency, when it did shut everything down. I took two online courses just for fun to keep improving during the pandemic. If you don’t use it, you lost it being my thought.

Fast forward to the present, I’ve been happily dating someone going on 2 years and for the most part it’s been great. We just moved in together and she’s genuinely a wonderful partner. I consider myself really lucky but there’s just one thing that’s been a repeated point of contention…

She’s completely triggered (yelling type of angry) anytime Japan is mentioned. Whether it’s a food vlog, lofi, car spec, etc it’ll typically turn into her throwing a bunch of accusations about how I’m fucking obsessed and starts bringing up my ex.

Having spent years learning the language, I really try to be respectful to my girlfriend’s insecurities and I just do maybe 10-15min a day (not even) with a DuoLingo like app. It’ll always be in the other room and with headphones.

Last week, I found out I have to go back over to Osaka for work and will have a week afterwards to stay on holiday if I wanted. My initial reaction was excitement and offered to buy her a ticket to come join. She’s been receptive to the idea but it feels like a time bomb…

In case it needs to be said, Tokyo is MASSIVE. Osaka is like going to Chicago having dated someone in NYC. One person does not define an entire country. If this was NYC would you not want to go because I lived there years ago and dated someone?

I’ve tried being emphatic explaining how I’d love to bring her there and make new memories but she says I’ll just be thinking of my ex and that she hates the fact I’ve already been there.

I just want to go eat good food with her and have a great vacation with her. Some people never get to go and I’ve been very blessed. AITA?