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The original was posted on /r/detrans by /u/cinder_garden on 2023-10-03 07:01:32.

I recently confided in my close friend (who I also live with) about how horrible I was feeling about feeling like ill never been able to look like a woman again. This feeling came from an old friend of mine who I decided to catch up with, telling me verbatim, “you will be misgendered for the rest of your life” and then laughing. Yeah, I know I need new friends lol. I don’t think I’ll hang with that person again.

But…

After I told my close friend this, he immediately started to say how he can relate so much. That he’s finally decided to transition to a woman because… he saw a YouTube video that he could relate to, which “confirmed” all his feelings about being in the wrong body. That he used to be an incel and now he wants to be a woman. Wtf

In my head I was just like ughhhh, here we go. Thanks for making everything about you, especially when it’s a completely different situation and I know for a fact he’s not trans. He has autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety, is a CSA victim, and potential schizophrenia/bipolar. Basically every comorbidity and trauma. (In my opinion, I feel that a lot of people think they’re trans because of past trauma and mental illness that hasn’t been properly explored with therapy. I believe we should work on the inside first to get to the root of the problem before changing the outside)

I asked him heaps of question about why he wants to transition and all he basically said was “this is just who I am, I will finally be free. I can escape”. And that he can “relate to women” more. This friend of mine has a fetish for lesbians and I honestly think it’s autogynephilia. He also has said to me in the past that he wants to be a woman and have a six pack and breasts because he likes the “aesthetic”. What the fuck.

I have so so so much trauma I’m working on at the moment about my past as a trans person, how the medical industry failed me, how my own community failed me. And now I feel like I have to watch it happen all again to my friend.

Even if he successfully transitions, which I doubt, because he can be aggressive, with not a drop of femininity or any slight “female” behaviours. He has a beard as well, etc. I just don’t think I can manage being around this stuff anymore. He said he wants to go to the doctor and get on estrogen straight away. I asked him if he knows the risks and he’s just like “yes I know”. It was just insane to me because a lot of the stuff I asked, his reply was just “this is just who I am and I can finally be myself.” To which I would reply, how is altering your body going to make you more like yourself? “Oh it’s who I am inside finally being seen on the outside” Etc etc. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN THOUGH? How can you possibly know what a woman feels like? A woman isn’t a feeling, it’s a biological reality.

How can I tell him that I just don’t want to hear about this stuff, but in a nice way? I can’t deal with it mentally. I need to heal from all this trans shit first.

If I didn’t currently live with him, I would distance myself for my own sanity, but I can’t do that. And I really don’t want to move because I love my house.

Don’t get me wrong, I care about this friend a lot and he’s been a good support in my life. We have great times together but I just feel stuck. Like this is a disease that keeps spreading to people I know.