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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Wee162 on 2023-10-03 15:41:24.

I (M49) am getting married in March next year. I have never been married before, I am also a single parent to my daughter, now 15. Myself and my wife-to-be (F38) don’t have much money, so we are doing quite a DIY-wedding (think community hall, BYOB, etc.). We are both absolutely fine with this, neither of us is that bothered about a fancy do.

Nevertheless, this will still cost us a few grand (around 5-7k, depending on how it shakes out). We were both also happy to pay for this ourselves, and did not ask anyone on either side of our family for money. However, my mum very kindly offered us 2k to help us out a bit, for which we were very grateful. We factored it into the budget accordingly.

However, since then, my grandmother died, and my mum came into a significant amount of money from the sale of her house. She came around the other day to say that she was giving me and my sister (F43) 5k each from the proceeds.

This is where the AITA crux comes: she also said that the 2k that she’d previously offered us should now come out of that 5k. I don’t really feel great about myself admitting where my mind went: that is, that that 2k is now not really a gift – it’s either a) effectively coming out of my own money, or b) effectively my sister is getting 5k and I’m getting 3k (if that makes sense).

I think it’s fair to me, though, to point out that my sister has always been the favourite, and is traditionally “a bit tight” in general, to be charitable. She has also never been married, and has no kids, for information; but I should also point out that I’m not in the least jealous of her for “lifestyle” reasons (“She gets to spend it on holidays etc.”).

I didn’t say anything at all, to either my mum or sister; I just bit my lip and said thank you very much to my mum. I don’t really plan on saying anything, either. I must also confess, though, that it went through my head to say “well if she ever gets married, she better not get a one-off gift.”

I guess I’m just turning to the AITA community to try and work through it in my head, and try and reconcile it inwardly with no malice. As I say, I feel kind of icky about myself right now for feeling the way I do. First-world problems and then some, you know? But I can’t seem to shake that nagging feeling of injustice. AITA?