**I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/ScaredyCat1122 **Originally posted to r/AITAH** Previous BoRUs:...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-03-27 04:04:10+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ScaredyCat1122

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: 1

[New Update]: WIBTA for refusing to raise my husband’s affair children now that he and the woman he cheated with passed away?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, death of loved ones, emotional abuse and manipulation, bullying and religious coercion, entitlement, possible identity theft

RECAP

Original Post: August 24, 2024

Sorry for using a new account, I know that’s a red flag, but I don’t want to risk using my old reddit account.

My (45F) husband (49M) of 23 years had an affair with a twenty-years old girl since 2020. I found out this year when his affair partner gave birth to twin boys in March. Obviously we were going to divorce. We’ve been hashing things out since, it’s been a lengthy process due some properties in common and we needed to get an accountant since he used the shared account for his affair. Finally things seemed to be getting close to the end when both my husband and the woman he cheated with were killed in a car crash.

By some miracle the twin babies were not harmed in the crash. Now they are orphaned and neither set of grandparents can take them in permanently. My husband’s parents are both in assisted living, he has no siblings and the only aunt that could take them refuses. She’s been childfree her whole life. On the woman’s side, I’m not sure the details in full, but her parents are also not able to be involved long term and the one sister she has lives overseas.

Since we were still married and he had not updated his will, all his assets are set to pass to me and our two children. I’m not callous enough to leave those babies with nothing, so I agreed to let whoever is their legal guardian to have the remaining balance in the shared account. About twenty-five thousands in savings.

The issue is no one wants to take them in. Now my in-laws are pressuring me to take them in and raise them. The issue is, I don’t want to. At all. I wouldn’t love them and I don’t want to be the evil stepmother. But I know a big part of me will always have a level of resentment towards them. I will probably favor my own children.

It’s not their fault, but I truly loved my husband and I thought we were happy before I found out about the affair. We have two daughters (14 and 16). Obviously we had disagreements, but never insulted each others before. Then I found out about the affair and he began calling me names and blaming me for his cheating. He became abusive and even tried to kick me of the house, my childhood home that is not shared property for the record. I’m also raising teenagers alone now. I don’t have the energy to raise babies anymore.

My daughters hate their baby brothers. I tried to get them to spend time with their dad as we were divorcing, but they refused. Since this all was found out because of the babies, there wasn’t really a way to sugar coat the situation. And they are also too old to really get away with it.

Most of my friends agree its not my place to care for those children, but my in-laws, the affair woman’s parents and my mother want me to raise them. I know my mom is just having grandkids’ fever, but it hurts to not have her support.

I have to make a decision by next week or the boys will be going into foster care. At the moment they are temporarily placed with their maternal grandparents. I feel horrible, but I am very sure I can’t take them in.

WIBTA if I refused to take them in?

Small update:

Hey everyone, this blew up far more than I thought, and I appreciate the well wishes for my girls, the boys and myself. Also for the amount of lovely people offering to see about giving the twins a good home. I might not be their mother, but it does touch me and makes me glad there’s good people out there.

After thinking carefully and speaking to my lawyer, reading responses, doing research, etc. I plan to speak to the grandparents tomorrow and refuse to take legal guardianship of the boys. I will let them know of the usernames of people that offered meeting for private adoptions or fostering, but my daughters are my priority. It’ll be up to the twins’ grandparents to decide if they’ll proceed with adoption, keep them, or turn them to the state. I wish I had the mental capacity to be the person to do this, but I have two girls that are going through a lot and they need my full attention.

I’ll also be talking to the lawyers to figure out if the boys have any inheritance claim properly. If they do, I’ll separate it and leave it to the lawyers to do what they need to do for them to have access when its best. If they don’t, I’ll find a way to ensure they have access to the 25k I was going to give them since the beginning. I won’t do more, however. My moral compass might be biased, but I don’t believe I’m obligated neither morally nor legally to do more than what the word of law says. I can’t help everyone and I shouldn’t have to. I have two girls that lost their father, two girls that need therapy, two girls just about to get to college. They’ve gone through enough without seeing their mother favor the children of their father’s mistress.

Second Update: Hey everyone.

So as I said two nights ago, I went yesterday to speak to the twin’s grandparents. I explained my position and refused to take guardianship of the boys. My mother-in-law almost slapped me when I said that, but thankfully this was all done in a public place and my father-in-law stopped her. The maternal grandparents kept pleading for me to raise them since they didn’t want to lose them. I kept saying no, and when they called me selfish, I lost it.

I told them to their face the only selfish people in this mess were them and their son and daughter. Their son, my husband, for cheating and then making the divorce hell on me and my girls. Their daughter because she was a wh*re (I used another word) that went after a married man twice her age. I told them if I heard from them again, I would request a cease and desist. I also informed my parents-in-law that they won’t have access to my daughters for the foreseeable future. I’ll explain why in a bit.

We were at a restaurant, but I didn’t stay for the meal. I also sent an email to my lawyer so he can ensure CPS and any agency involved in the welfare of the twins is aware I’m not going to be their guardian or be involved. Then I sent an email to my in-laws with all the usernames and websites from people here in reddit that have offered to do interviews for the twins adoption. I won’t be involved beyond this point, so please as lovely as it is, I can’t help you if you are interest in the boys. Yesterday was the end of my involvement.

As for why my in-laws won’t see my girls, I spoke to my daughters and decided to find out more about their thoughts before I went to meet the grandparents. My youngest refused to speak to me, which I found very out of place for her. My eldest then ask for just the two of us to speak. That’s when she explained that my in-laws had been going on about how the girls need to get ready to go to public school instead of their private school and to get jobs right out of high school since I will have to provide the twins with private schooling and college money. Apparently they also were told to start moving their stuff to share a room, my girls have separate rooms, since the twins need more space. This was not known to me. Mostly cause that would never happen. Apparently my in-laws have been basically bullying the girls because ‘the babies take priority’. Yeah, that’s not happening.

I told the girls that their grandparents have no say in where they go to school, their college funds, or how the rooms are set in our house. Also that I do agree they could use a part-time job during college and maybe a scholarship, but their tuition will be paid. I told them not to blame the babies for the stupidity of the adults. They told me they understand, but they still don’t want to interact with their brothers for now. That ‘for now’ part gives me hope they’ll get through things.

For now we’re going to do some changes in the house. The girls and I both don’t like there’s still an office space that my husband used. We’re going to make it into a gaming room for all of us. I plan to take down some pictures that have my husband in them and put them in albums for the girls. We just want to make the house more ours.

As for people wondering why my girls wanted nothing to do with their father: My daughters were the ones that discovered the affair and told me when my husband took them to meet the twins at the hospital. He had asked them to keep it secret, but my girls told me. After that, my husband began treating them horribly too. He burnt all bridges with the girls.

Very tiny update since there’s some people who keep harassing me in PMs: I spoke to a lawyer on Monday. The boys have no inheritance claim until a DNA test is done. After that, their only claim is against my in-laws. The shared account is not con…

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  • @[email protected]MEnglish
    1•20 days ago

    Very tiny update since there’s some people who keep harassing me in PMs: I spoke to a lawyer on Monday. The boys have no inheritance claim until a DNA test is done. After that, their only claim is against my in-laws. The shared account is not considered my husband’s individual property, so its mine. Same with the lake house. Since he had a PERSONAL savings account and a life insurance, which went to his parents, that will be the only thing the boys could claim. Obviously this can be changed if it goes to trial, but the lawyer told me with how little my husband left my girls and I, there’s very little chance a judge will demand our assets. The lawyer also recommended me to completely end the idea of sharing any money with the boys. That could be used against me to claim I’m taking fiscal responsibility for them and should be considered to be their guardian. I’m dividing the money from the shared account for my daughter’s college tuitions. I’m still unsure if I’ll sell the lake house or not, but neither the girls nor I are attached to it. Now, please leave me alone about the boys’ inheritance. Sad as it is, my husband messed everything up for his children. I’m not responsible for them nor do I have to sacrifice my assets to set them up for a better life.

    Another update: There’s some good news and some annoying news. The good news is the boys were safely retrieved by CPS from their maternal grandparents and will be placed in foster care until a permanent arrangement is made. I found out when it happened since their grandparents, and my mother, came to scream at me at work. In all honesty, I’m glad this happened at work and not at home. It’s made me consider moving, since I don’t want my daughters exposed to any of this.

    An annoyance I had very soon after was getting a called about my ‘inquiries into fostering and adopting’. Apparently my information was sent to CPS as someone interested in fostering the twins and eventually adopting. I immediately explained the situation between the grandparents and me, and the operator was speechless at first. She apologized for the situation and told me she would make sure I wasn’t bothered about the process.

    I also got served this morning. My in-laws are suing for grandparents’ rights. They are also suing for custody. Apparently they are planning to leave their assisted living, which they really shouldn’t, to buy a house that allows kids to get the twins back and now also want custody of my daughters.

    My personal lawyer immediately gave me some instructions I won’t share to safeguard myself and my daughters from some risks during a possible custody battle. My lawyer and I both suspect my in-laws want the girls to parentified them as caretakers for the twins since my in-laws have mobility limitations. It will be a cold day in hell before that happens. I don’t see CPS placing the boys with them to begin with.

    Not all is bad news. I’m starting therapy next week and my eldest daughter is once again speaking about the colleges she wants to go to. We still haven’t really talk about their father or have them agree to visit his grave, I myself haven’t gone there and I’m trying really hard to get used to not calling him ‘my husband’ anymore. I had nothing to do with the funeral plans aside paying bills and from what I heard his parents had the epitaph: “Devouted and beloved husband, father, and son” written on it. I find it a joke. I know its bad to hold to so much anger and resent, but as soon as I have time, I plan to change his tombstone to remove ‘husband and father’. It might sound petty, but I refuse to speak well of a cheater and abuser just because he’s dead. My daugters deserved better, and so did I.

    And for anyone complaining about me changing the tombstone, I paid for everything at the end. So, stick your complains you know where.

    I don’t think I’ll post another update until the whole mess with the grandparents’ right lawsuit is resolved. So to the kind people that have send support to me and my daughters, thank you so much. Maybe I’ll have good news in the future, but for now I’m going back to my old reddit account.

    Small disclaimer: To the person that PM that I will regret not adopting the twins, I don’t regret it one bit. Please either post a public message or leave me alone. I don’t deal with cowards that use PMs to avoid being judged.

    AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

    Relevant Comments

    Can OOP take the twins in temporarily? Or until at least a family member can step in

    OOP: I don’t want to take them even temporarily. I’m 45. I’m tired. I work full time. I don’t have time for babies. I don’t even have a babysitter anymore. My girls are old enough to be home alone after school until I finish work. I can’t do that with babies and I can’t ask them to babysit them. They have after school clubs and like to go out with friends. I don’t want them raising babies.

    I can’t take them. I can’t even pick them up. They are innocent, but I can’t do it. If it was reversed, my daughters would go to my cousin then. That has always been the back up plan that we had in place if my husband and I both died. I’m sorry the twins don’t have that, but the more I read on this, the more I’ve realized I can’t take those babies.

    OOP on encouraging her daughters to have a sibling relationship with their half-brothers

    OOP: I’ve tried, but they are teenagers who understand what cheating is. I won’t force them to have a relationship with the babies if they don’t want it.

    Therapy for OOP’s daughters regarding the affair and aftermath

    OOP: I have my girls with a therapist, and this was brought up. The girls despise the babies. It’s not the babies’ fault, I know. But the girls are angry and they are pointing fingers. I don’t want to put more stress on them.

    OOP on the inheritance left for the family members from her husband’s will. Anything for the twin boys?

    OOP: The properties in the will where left on my name. The only shared property is a lake house that is currently on sale. If the will is contested, I will happily divide it. As it stands right now, I don’t have to give anything. And no, it wasn’t 50/50. He cheated and the divorce left me with a majority of asset per our pre-nup.

    That’s the half of what he owned. The family home was mine before the marriage. The cars are getting sold and put for my daughters’ college per his will. The 25k and half of that lake house was his assets. His personal bank account balance went to his parents, per his will.

    There’s no assets for them based on the will. The only asset they would get is what I offered to give them, the 25k, and they could contest part ownership of a lake house. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to go beyond that. I was the higher income in my marriage and in the divorce I was getting most of the assets. My daughters are about to head to college. I feel for them, but I won’t have my daughters’ quality of life suffer.

    Also bold of you to assume my daughters are expected to love them out the bat. They are going to therapy and its up to them if they one day want to be in their half-brother’s life or not. I won’t pressure them. I hope they learn not to hate them and at least see them as innocent in all of this, but they won’t be forced to see them as family.

    I’m following the instruction strictly as the lawyers, my divorce lawyer and the lawyer in charge of the will give. I won’t do anything beyond the word of law as I’m advice by councel. Also irrelevant if I deserved a loyal husband. My daughters deserved a better father. The twins will get only what the law dictates.

    • @[email protected]MEnglish
      1•20 days ago

      Update #1: October 17, 2024 (1.5 months later)

      Hey everyone, some people have been asking me for updates, and to be sincere, I had nothing until today.

      To start things, cousins from my ex-husband’s side of the family took the boys in. I know them, they are lovely and I know they’ll give the twins a great life. The new parents (calling them Matt and Kim) talked to my daughters and let them know if they ever want to reach out to their half-brothers, they just have to call. Otherwise, they can just see them as distant cousins. My girls thanked them, but insisted they don’t really want a sibling relationship at this time, but that maybe as cousins it will be okay.

      I did offer them the money from the shared account since they are family and they said not to worry since they don’t need it. Kim even insisted I used that money for a vacation for my girls and I. Apparently I look like the living dead. They also set very strict lines with my in-laws and the parents of my ex’s affair partner. They can see the boys, but they won’t be seen as grandparents. This apparently caused a big fight with the AP’s parents. Matt and Kim then cut them off.

      Again, threats of ‘suing for grandparent’s rights’ were thrown around, but it went nowhere. That’s how I found out why the AP’s parents couldn’t take the boys permanently. The father is a convicted felon in an abuse case. I won’t share the details out of respect, but if what Matt and Kim told me is true, I am glad the boys won’t grow up with that man as an example. The only reason his wife had temp guardianship was because of the sudden death of the parents and the process to find a relative to raise the boys. She would have had to live away from her husband to allow permanent custody, and she wasn’t willing to do so.

      My ex-in laws did figure threats were not going to work, so they agree to be ‘great-uncles’ instead. Good for them, I guess. They now want me to let them live with me and the girls since they left assisted living recently and now the place they were in doesn’t have opening. This place has a long waitlist and the only reason they got in originally was because my ex and I offered to pay 5 years in full. They still had 2 full years paid left and I was going to pay for them. After everything they put my daughters and me through, I rather burn money in a grill than spend it on them.

      I know they want my girls and I to be their caretakers. I won’t even consider it. My daughters have their of paths to follow and in all honesty, I want to consider meeting someone new. I know it sounds like I’m moving on too quick, but I’ve been working to move on since I found out about the affair. I don’t think my ex deserves me to go through a ‘mourning period’. I already mourned our relationship. At least that’s what my eldest daughter said, funny enough. She’s been encouraging me to go out and meet someone.

      We still have that custody lawsuit from my ex-inlaws going and a few other issues that I will update when I have more, but I wanted to at least let everyone know the boys are safe and together.

      Relevant Comments

      Commenter 1: You and your daughters sound actually really well-adjusted. I’m glad the boys landed in a safe place and can still have some sort of friendly family relationship with their half-sisters. I think this is beyond my best expectations for this event, and I am happy for everyone. Especially for the soon-to-be-homeless/not in as nice a home ones :D

      OOP: They should be well enough monetarily to afford a new place, so they’ll be fine. They might be horrid, but if they were to go homeless, I would put the money to at least get them a relatively comfortable facility. It’s really up to them what they do now, though.

      Commenter 2: So how come your ex- in laws left their prepaid accommodation? Did you get the 2 years of unused rent back? That’s a lot of money.

      OOP: Nope. They signed off on the money since they were in a hurry to do their whole custody plan. I’m talking with a lawyer to see if we can recoup the money, but very unlikely since the breach was done by my in-laws. And yeah, about 180k.

      Oh, I absolutely agree. My ex-FIL is pretty much blind and has a bad knee. He can barely move. My ex-MIL has back issues. Both of them are also diabetic and have other issues that in all honesty makes it impossible for them to live alone. Wherever they go, a caretaker is a must. It’s why my ex and I looked for a good facility.

      If they had not received my ex’s personal savings and life insurance, I would feel obligated. But they received a lot of money from him. Enough to live comfortable if they don’t squander it. Now, if they do squander it, its on them. Again the hypothetical scenario would be if they were without means from the get go.

      • @[email protected]MEnglish
        1•20 days ago

        ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor’s note: OOP made 2nd update that is under 1st update in the same post

        Update #2: November 17, 2024 (one month later)

        Update:

        So, we had mediation this week for the grandparents’ right lawsuit. This is just to avoid taking space on a judge’s already heavily stressed docket, though I knew it would go nowhere. My ex-inlaws demands were for the girls to either be in their custody or spend weekdays with them and weekends with me. Even the court appointed mediator told them they were not being realistic with their expectations. My lawyer and I only had one offer and were not willing to negotiate: they will see my daughters only if they want and when they want. Mediator also thought we were being unfair. That’s when a detail came out. My ex-inlaws had claimed my daughters are 6 and 4 (a whole decade younger than they really are) to the mediator.

        I provided him wiht birth certificates, as well as show him a picture of the girls. Mediator shook his head and said he couldn’t help in this case. My daughters are too old for grandparents’ rights to even be considered. He will send a recommendation for the grandparents’ right lawsuit to be dropped, but the custody one will still be going since neither my ex-inlaws nor I agree on custody. I refuse to give them any single bit of legal control of my daughters. They are now also demanding I make them their legal guardian if I happened to pass away. Nope.

        On some strange news, I met the sister of my ex’s affair partner. She brought some items to my house that she knew had to be stolen from me. These are things that were supposed to be in storage. My wedding dress, an old jewelry box that had a picture of my grandparents, some of my coats that are a bit pricey, shoes, and what creeped me out the most copies of my personal documents (passport, IDs, etc). The sister told me she was cleaning up their place when she found my property and used the address shown in them. She was rather nice and apologized for her parents and sister. I did ask her why she refused to take the twins, and she told me that she did because she was tired of being the emergency plan for her family. She didn’t say more and I didn’t think it was right to ask her. She knew they were my items because apparently the affair partner had bragged about my ex-husband giving her these items, except for the documents. She has no idea what’s going on with that, but she didn’t want anything to do with identity theft. She did bring some things that weren’t mine and I let her know, so I only kept my property.

        I told my lawyer about the IDs issue and he helped me get my credit frozen. I’ll be getting new IDs and passports. We did report the possible identity theft to the police so we had the report in case my personal information was used for something illegal or to put me in any trouble. I didn’t know one could make a report on a dead person, but apparently this happens more often than I imagined. And no, this won’t turn into a posthumously conviction. It’s just paperwork to protect myself.

        And a last funny note, I am planning to burn that wedding dress and make smores over the fire. Petty? Yep.

        • @[email protected]MEnglish
          1•20 days ago

          My ex-MIL sent her Church friends to harass my daughters and I. I have now exposed her family to her church community and she’s getting shamed and shunned at Church.: March 16, 2025 (four months later)

          My (46F) daughters (17 and 15) have a strained relationship with my ex-husband’s parents (78M and 80F). My ex passed away in an accident last year and we’ve had some major family drama since due his cheating and him leaving two boys born with his affair partner orphaned. She also died. Part of the drama has been my ex-inlaws trying to get custody of my daughters and them also trying to live with us. First one we’re going to court over, second one will never happen.

          Where we live there’s a weekend market with fresh produce, eggs, meats, and other products straight from farmers. This week was extra special since it was my youngest’ birthday. Since her party is later in the month, I decided to give her a budget and set her loose on the market to get whatever she wanted. Mostly chocolate and sweets.

          After an hour, I did start getting worried, and just before I called her, she called me. She was crying, saying some weird people have cornered her. I ran to her with my oldest daughter to find six older women berating my daughter for being ‘unChristian’ for refusing to spend time with her paternal Grandparents or for wanting to be ‘a good big sister to her poor orphaned baby brothers’. My daughters are the ones that found out about my ex cheating and the babies, so they aren’t fond of the kids. It’s trauma and they are working with a therapist.

          I got between the group and my daughter, telling my eldest to go pay the stuff her sister had and to go to the car. Then I turned to the women, some who I knew from when we went to my ex-inlaws’ church, and rip them a new one. They told me I was worst for refusing to obey my ex-inlaws ‘like a good Christian wife’. Barf. Eventually the screaming turn too loud and we were all asked to leave the market. I met with my girls in the car, the women following me like a group of vultures. I managed to get in the car and drove away.

          After my girls went to bed, I got online to talk to another member of that church that I’m in good terms. I told him about what happened and after he apologized, he told me what was going on. My ex-mother-in-law posted this massive story in the church’s facebook group about how horrible my daughters and I are, how we are leaving them homeless and penniless (they inherited my ex’ personal bank account and his life insurance), and how my daughters don’t even talk to them. She also accused us of being the reasons she lost her grandsons. The boys are now living with distant relatives of my ex-husband. Basically, it was a sob story worthy of a Hallmark movie. And of course, they were getting all the love and support from the more extremist members of their church.

          This church and its members are a bit annoying especially with LGBTQ+ topics, but they have a small saving grace. They are incredibly strict about cheating. It’s a big no-no, be it from a husband or a wife equally. Now, how did she get around blaming me about affair children without exposing the cheating? She claimed the other woman was our surrogate since I was unable to have more children. Then said I didn’t want the babies because they were boys. Which is absolutely disgusting to be accused of.

          Well, I decided it was time to clean up this mess and since I was mid-divorce when my ex died, I had all the evidence needed. And since the divorce wasn’t completed, I don’t have any legal ramification for releasing all the evidence.

          I was off the next day and went to a print shop to get copies of all the delightful pictures of my ex cheating, his text conversations with his affair partner, the ones with his parents confessing to his cheating and getting support from them, my ex-inlaws harassing me about the divorce, and my coup-de-grace: all the emails and text messages of them bullying my daughters about their baby brothers. In one of them they call my daughters ‘bastards’ and telling them it was their fault their father died since they told me about the affair and I began the divorce. This one was literally two days after my ex died.

          I paid extra for all of this to be printed in beautiful high quality paper. Then when I got home, I sat down for hours to make delightfully personalized binders. They look like the little prayer song packets the church give for everyone to take to sing hymns. The first picture when opening the binders is my ex and his side woman making out in our living room. Their faces are easy to discern and the girl looks nothing like me. Different skin tones and hair color. Underneath I wrote: ‘Ex-husband’s name’ and ‘Affair girl’s name’ love story. I took them to the church before service. There’s a desk in the back with the song books for people that need/forget their own, and they never check them.

          The gossip mill was quick and harsh. The names my ex and his affair partner got called in the facebook were so bad the pastor himself had to get involved just to keep things relatively PG-13. People were angry at my ex-inlaws for their abused to my daughters, but what made me laugh was that I was still in the wrong for the divorce, but ‘it is understandable that I failed on my duties after the shock and I possibly will one day return to the light, unlike my cheating husband and his Jezebel’. They used another word I can’t use here, I imagine. I got two apology letters in the mail for my girl and an invitation to join the church for ‘support’.

          As for my ex-inlaws? They got shamed into leaving the church. My ex-mother-in-law made a post on her wall about how alienated she feels and how no one cares for the elderly anymore. How she wished her ‘great son’ was still alive since he would have taken care of her and her husband. With what money, I don’t know, since I was the bread winner.

          Explanation on the will: My ex-husband had a will that named his parents as beneficiaries. As far as I was aware, he had told me he had named our daughters, not them. I never pushed for ME to be the beneficiary as my own will has my daughters as the beneficiaries, not him.

          Relevant Comments

          OOP clarifies the details on who actually got the life insurance and bank account due to her husband’s will

          OOP: No, the parents did. My daughters only got the value of two used luxury cars he owned after they sold.

          We both did our will some years ago and he listed them [the parents] as beneficiaries.

          They were the beneficiaries in his will. If he had died without a will, then yes, automatically I would get majority of assets. With a will, it gets complicated. I could in theory contest the will. I just don’t think the fight is worth the effort.

          Commenter 1: Still married but the parents end up with the life insurance and husband’s bank account? How’d that happen?

          OOP: His will. I could go to court over it, but its not worth it.

          Commenter 2: I sooo think it’s worth it…

          OOP: I am making more than he did and my daughters and I live in relative luxury. Contesting the will is a headache and half, plus it would just add more animosity. If I was pressed for money, sure, but at this point, I see it as an investment in cutting ties.

          OOP explains what she was told by her ex about the beneficiaries

          OOP: Well, my ex told me the girls were the beneficiaries. I did similar with my will leaving majority to my daughters, all my personal savings, bonds and life insurance, with him receiving my house (mine before marriage) and joint property. He lied, but I have learned that is the norm.

          It’s a blessing in disguise. I could contest it for sure, but that’s just a headache. And since there are two other children involved, contesting the will requires a ton of paperwork to divide what was my property, what was his, and what was joint. The latter two would have to be divided and its just a headache.

          OOP should move away and have a fresh start for herself and her daughters

          OOP: Oh, we’re on the process. There’s a lot of toxic stuff happening here involving my ex’s family and my family.

          What will happen to the twin boys?

          OOP: The boys are with relatives that want to adopt them. I’m not sure how that is going on, but I wish them all the best. My daughters and I are moving hopefully next year after my eldest graduates.

          OOP should make sure, in case if she passes, the custody of her daughters should NOT go to the in-laws

          OOP: Oh that’s been arranged for years. Neither my mother, who is a criminal nutcase, nor my ex’s parents will ever get a chance to take my girls if I die.

          We thankfully have sane extended family. My siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins, and amusingly my ex-husband’s aunts and cousins, have been a great support to the three of us.

          DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

          THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP