**I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/AshimaN2025 **Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople** **I refused to to date my friend because of his toxic...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-06-02 04:02:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AshimaN2025

Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople

I refused to to date my friend because of his toxic family?

Trigger Warnings: abuse, religious abuse, financial fraud, physical assault and violence, slurs, addictions, biphobia, antisemitism, entitlement, racism, attempted theft, obsessive behavior, harassment, possible stalking, destruction of property

Mood Spoilers: terrifying

Original Post: May 7, 2025

Note: No real names are used for obvious reasons.

I (30f) have this close friend from college who I will call Marlon (31m). We went to college together, graduated together and we still hangout out on our lunch breaks as our office buildings are just a 5-minute walk away from each other (I have a federal government job and he works for an investment firm).

Back in October last year, I allowed Marlon to move in with me after his girlfriend Paige (29f) broke up with him and kicked him out of her home.

Paige is a Jewish, openly bisexual, liberal, tattoo artist who owns her own tattoo parlor, with her own body being beautifully covered in tattoos and jet-black hair. Unlike Marlon though, asserts herself, is able to stand up for herself and is argumentative at times.

A little backstory and why they broke up.

Marlon comes from a “traditional”, Evangelical family from Mississippi, his family moved here to the Bay Area sometime in 2020, during the pandemic so they can be closer to him, or more specifically so they can get him to better support them. Marlon’s mom is on welfare, her dad is on Social Security and Marlon’s brother Ryan (35m) is unemployed, relying on Marlon and his parents to support them. Marlon’s parents and brother live in a 2-bedroom apartment while Marlon himself as mentioned, now lives in my house but previously lived with Paige.

Marlon’s family is toxic, treating him with little to no respect, constantly criticizing him, while coddling Ryan. They find reasons to gang up on him, criticize him and ridicule him despite the fact, Marlon is the only one in their family to have ever gone to college, pays for their rent, pays their groceries, their internet, their shopping expenses, etc.

During their relationship, Paige and Marlon had this rule that they won’t get involved in each other’s family matters, provided it does not directly affect them.

Paige has repeatedly expressed her concerns to Marlon about his family and how his family treats him but she opted not to push the matter any further because of their agreement and the fact at the time, as Marlon’s family weren’t directly interfering with Paige’s life.

Paige has also generally tried to avoid contact or communication with Marlon’s family as she’s sickened with the way they treat him, when she tries to stand up for Marlon, Marlon himself shushes her and tells her off for raising her voice to his parents. Additionally, in one of the few times Paige has actually met his family, she got into a fight with Marlon’s parents due to Marlon’s mom making snide remarks about her tattoos and demanding that Paige take down the pride flag, Ukraine flag and BLM banner from her parlor.

Marlon’s parents also don’t like the fact Paige owns her own home after inheriting it from her grandfather. This is because his parents believe its “emasculating” that a woman should own her own home and business.

Separately, Marlon also previously once told me how his parents don’t like the fact that Paige is Jewish, as they will “consider” accepting her if she removes all her tattoos (again which covers a lot of her body), stops being Jewish and live the same traditional Evangelical life they raised Marlon and Ryan with. They basically wanted Paige to convert and become a tradwife.

Marlon did a sucky job at standing up for his ex as Marlon tried to remedy this by sheepishly asking her to try covering up her tattoos and taking down the flags from her parlor as a “compromise to keep the peace”. She refused to do so and threatened to break up with him if he kept pushing it.

Note that, Marlon himself is a genuinely kind, intelligent and supportive person who was there for me during a difficult time in my freshman year. When his family aren’t around, he does thrive is very much his own person but since his family moved here to California and get back in his life, it’s like they just sucked the life out of him.

Me, Paige and his other friends have also talked to him about this, urging him to cut them off but he’s just so desperate for their approval and validation that he won’t listen. He just keeps saying things like “maybe if I try a little harder” or “they’re going to change soon”. After a while, it just becomes pointless to even ask.

Things changed when Marlon’s family started demanding more money from him due to his mom’s credit card debt and shopping habits as well as the fact Marlon’s parents used a lot of the allowance Marlon gave them to travel across the country going to campaign rallies during last year’s presidential election.

When Marlon wasn’t able to give his parents any more money, they then went after Paige. Trying to contact her and demanding that as their son’s girlfriend, she had to “pitch in” to support them.

Paige just tried to ignore them at first but things reached a breaking point when Marlon’s mother and his brother Ryan came into her parlor, demanding she give them money. According to Paige, they believed that as she’s his girlfriend, whatever is hers is also Marlon’s and whatever is Marlon’s is theirs, with Marlon’s mom screaming that they need money to pay her debts.

Paige then called 911 when Ryan jumped the c ounter and started trying to pry open the cash register. However, as she was on the phone, Marlon’s mom punched Paige in the face and started trying to grab the phone from her.

Apparently, the barber (who’s friends with Paige) across the street saw the commotion that was happening in Paige’s parlor so the barber and two of his patrons came over to try and help her.

The barber and his friends managed to subdue Ryan and Paige finished her call with 911, as Marlon’s mom started screaming at them, calling the barber (who was pinning down Ryan) the N-word and calling Paige a “Jewish crack wh-re”.

Marlon’s mom and brother were arrested. With Paige telling officers that she was pressing charges as Ryan did just try to rob her place and Marlon’s mom beating Paige did cause her to have a bleeding lip and mild concussion.

As for my personal relationship with Paige, we’re just acquaintances, we met a couple of times at social events including Marlon and do have each other on both Facebook and Instagram but that’s about it. After Marlon talked about their breakup, just out of curiosity, I did message Paige and asked for her side of the story as well.

She asked me to meet up with her at this tea house in Union Square and told me what happened, basically filling in what Marlon left out.

Paige went on to tell me that after she pressed charges and moved to file a restraining order against Marlon’s family, Marlon practically started begging her to withdraw her statement, withdraw the restraining order, tell the police she “made it all up” (despite the fact there was security camera footage which she gave to police) and to just “make peace” as he didn’t want to lose his family. Paige said that Marlon didn’t even ask if she was okay or apologize for their actions.

Because of this, Paige broke up with Marlon right then and there. Marlon did beg her to not leave him but Paige reminded him that he consistently kept picking his family over her, he’s repeatedly failed to support her and that she cannot safely be in his life if his family are in his.

I thanked Paige for sharing her side of the story and apologized for his actions to which she assured me none of this was my fault. However, before Paige left, as I did take in Marlon to let him move in with me, Paige then took my hand and warned me to keep my distance from his family and warned me of Marlon’s mom’s weird obsession with having grandchildren.

When I got back to my house as by this time, he was already staying with me, I admittedly snapped at Marlon, demanding that he apologize to Paige for not supporting her and to stop trying to beg her to get back with him, which he eventually did a couple months later.

I then talked to Marlon about trying to at least set boundaries with his family (as he won’t cut them off completely), pointed out that he earns more than I do but yet, he can barely support himself as he’s basically supporting 3-adults and paying for their debts, their rent, their groceries, and legal bills on his income alone, and he’s lost not only a couple of other friendships but even his girlfriend of 3-years (Paige) because of his relationship with them. He seems to have gotten it but is still having trouble setting boundaries and yes, he’s still paying their debts and bills.

In case you were wondering, I live in my childhood/family 4-bedroom home which they bought in the 90s, my parents moved up to Seattle two-years ago, allowing me to live here provided I’m able to take care of the house expenses myself.

Fast forward to today, it’s been 7-months since Paige broke up with Marlon, he is still living with me, we’re still frie…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1l18j9v/i_refused_to_to_date_my_friend_because_of_his/

  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
    1·
    7 days ago

    She then said that, if Marlon and I do have s-x, and if I got pregnant, she wants to name our baby, then they left. I was speechless but also felt weirdly sick from that.

    On Friday afternoon, as Jack and I were leaving, and I turned it back on (had to conserve battery as I didn’t bring a charger and wanted to avoid distractions) to find multiple missed calls and messages from Marlon, and Tiffany (30f). Jack dropped me off home and as I got inside my house, I found Marlon’s room completely thrashed, as well as the living room to a lesser extent and him just sitting there on the couch, looking more miserable than before.

    I asked what happened and basically his parents came back over to my place, Marlon opened the door for them and they basically berated him again for not earning enough money to pay for their medical bills, debts, etc. This basically ended in Marlon agreeing to take out a loan to help finance his family, as well as Marlon and his dad going to a dealership for him to sign on to a truck Marlon’s dad wanted. When Marlon got home, got so frustrated that he started smashing up the rooms.

    I then called back Tiffany who’s a close friend of me, Paige and Marlon, and asked her to come over. Tiffany and I then talked to Marlon, comforting him but also urging him again to cut off his parents.

    Tiffany pointed out that before Marlon’s parents came here, Marlon was happy, confident, had a happy and stable relationship with Paige, was doing well at his job, but now he’s just a mess. I then also told Marlon about the doorbell conversation I had with his mom, and how his parents are now indirectly starting to affect me as well.

    Marlon apologized and said he’ll try to take care of it.

    Tiffany (who does come from a wealthy family) did offer to pay for Marlon to go to therapy but Marlon refused, with him saying that he probably just needs to “try something else” to win over his parents, with Marlon still justifying their action by saying they’re “misunderstood”.

    I was going to point out that his family seems to have no sense of boundaries, lack basic human decency and have no self-control but at this point, trying to tell him this right now seemed pointless.

    Tiffany and I then cleaned up the mess in the living room, while Marlon cleaned up his room.

    Later last night, I spoke with Tiffany and Paige on what we can do, Paige recommended something about trying to reach out to his other relatives who may be willing to support him. I’m leaning towards evicting Marlon from my family home but I don’t want to do that just yet until we could find somewhere for him to stay.

    I’ll post an update if anything significant changes.

    Relevant / Top Comments

    Commenter 1: Why did Jack have your phone and not you?

    OOP: I had my phone with me for much of the trip but gave it to Jack later so I don’t get tempted to use it as I didn’t want to get too distracted during a time I’m supposed to be relaxing.

    Commenter 2: I’m not gonna lie, I feel like you guys aren’t doing him any favors by doing the equivalent of “soft parenting” your friend, and are borderline enabling him.

    From what I can gather through your description, he continuously harassed and borderline stalked Paige. That should’ve been a hard line in the sand, that’s when ultimatums should’ve been made that he needed to get therapy and go no contact with his family or risk eviction. I still think you SHOULD draw that line in the sand with him, as clearly your gentleness with him has done nothing. He’s about to put himself into further misery and debt because of them. For his own good I think you should stage an intervention and slap him with those ultimatums to wake him up, or you should let him fall and learn it the hard way.

    Commenter 3: Marlon is still totally spineless and getting worse, you and your friend are cleaning up his messes, and you’re dating someone old enough to be your Dad,

    Paige seems to be the only one with a sensible head on her shoulders for just cutting everyone one else out of her life

    Commenter 4: You can no longer help Marlon. Marlon is outside your scope.

    Marlon and his family aren’t just a dumpster fire, they are Chernobyl and the radiation fallout will trash your life too.

    Marlon has made his choice on frequent occasions. As long as you are enabling him, he will use the cushion you are giving him to support his family.

    Evict him. Force him to realise that if he ended up unemployed and living on the streets that his mother would gladly steal his benefits and leave him bleeding in an alley somewhere.

    YOU have to find the strength to cut ties with Marlon.

    When you find a partner, are you going to expect them to support Marlon, and thus his family, as well?

    What happens when Marlon’s family realizes that they are not going to be able to get another cent from Marlon? What happens Marlon’s mother and brother decide to accost you in your own home? And steal from you.

    You know that this is a distinct possibility, regardless of Marlon’s useless reassurances.

    DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

    THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP