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Trigger Warnings: alcoholism/addiction; DUI; brief mention of suicide

Mood Spoiler: positive ending

Original Post: September 5, 2025

I (28F), run my own business as a seamstress selling clothes I’ve made as well as doing alterations. I’ve been open for two years, and I do a steady business and my primary income from my business is the alterations I do.

I have a sister (29F), who we’ll call Lana. Lana is currently a recovering alcoholic and I’m trying my best to support her. Due to DUIs, she has been struggling to find a job and her mental health isn’t helping her keep any job she finds. I feel really bad for her and while we were visiting my parents on Monday, I made the offer she could work for me. When I made the offer, I said that she could work inventory and register like a normal employee. She seemed pretty on board but said she would have to think about it since she didn’t want to leech off me. Our parents were also really on board and encouraging and thought this would be a great opportunity for both of us.

Wednesday, my mom called me and asked if the building would now be in both Lana and I’s names. I asked her what she meant and she said since Lana is co-owner her name should be on the lease. I told her it wouldn’t, because she wouldn’t be co-owner. I made it clear to my mother that Lana would be like any other employee, the reason I wanted her to work with me is so if she relapsed, she wouldn’t risk losing her job again since I know what’s she’s going through. Mom beat around the bush trying to convince me to make Lana co-owner and I repeatedly told her no, not only for Lana’s sake but also the sake of my business. I don’t think Lana would be a bad co-owner, but at this time, she’s still fairly unstable and I don’t want her to get stressed and fully break her sobriety. I made this clear to my mother in our phone call before she eventually gave up.

I thought that was the end of it, and few hours Lana called to ask if I hired her what she would be doing, I told her the same thing I said at dinner that she would mostly be doing inventory, register, etc. She asked if she would help with any of the clothes and I told her when she learned to sew I would consider it. She accepted and seemed excited with the arrangement since both of us have always loved fashion and we agreed I would host an interview with her at the end of next week on my day off.

My dad called me yesterday scolding me about the position I was putting Lana in and was telling me a meaner version of what my mother was saying and continuously trying to hound me to give Lana a higher position. I was getting really frustrated and I told him that if he and mom wouldn’t stop pushing, I just wouldn’t hire Lana at all. My dad called me a terrible sister before hanging up.

I called Lana and told her what happened and my words about not hiring her, she got upset with me and I apologized and told her I still wanted her to work with me, I just didn’t want to drama with mom and dad. She understood but is still upset with me I would even say that even in the heat of the moment. AITA?

Some of OOP"s Comments:

Commenter: NTA but you probably didn’t need to relay the entire conversation with your parents to your sister. You were both happy with the arrangement so your parents can butt out. Stick to your original plan and stop trying to justify yourself to your entitled parents.

OOP: Yeah, Lana and I have always been really close so I automatically tell her everything but it’s a bit late now. But you and the other commenter are right that I need to start standing up for myself against my parents more.

Commenter: Your parents have put you in an impossible position. I dont suppose they were offering to buy out half of the business to give to your sister?

OOP: No, but they did help me find the building my business is in as well as helped move some of my stuff into the building and get it set up. They haven’t paid of anything relating to my business, unless you count the sewing machine they got for me when I was 13 that started my love of clothes making, but I think that earlier help is why they think they have such a say in all this.

Commenter: Look at it this way, not as if your sister was a stranger applying for a job. Granted a lot of this wouldn’t be on an application but… would you hire someone with multiple DUI’s, mental health issues, and an alcoholic? I’m assuming the answer would be no, no, and no… NTA.

OOP: Yeah, I wouldn’t. But I can’t bring myself not to help her even if she would be a terrible hire on paper if she wasn’t family, and even then, it’s something she likes to do and I’ll be there to support her rather than metaphorically tossing her to the wolves if she worked with other people. Idk, I just want to help her out, but thank you for commenting.

Commenter: You seem to have turned out very well for having two completely delusional parents. Kudos!

OOP: Lol thanks! But all this is actually coming really out of the blue for them. My dad has always been really levelheaded and my mom was the one who taught me family should always be put first which is why their demands are so weird. Especially since at dinner I told them exactly what Lana would be doing and they seemed fine with it.

To another commenter:

Sometimes I wonder if my parents still think we’re teenagers arguing over who gets to drive the family car. As I said in a previous comment, their behavior is really out of the blue since they’ve always been really sweet and supportive when it came to my business. I want to believe they might just be misunderstanding something or maybe they’re just stressed trying to help Lana as best they can and taking that stress out in the wrong places. I’m just hoping this gets resolved before I interview Lana next week.

Top Commenter: NTA. Ask your dad if he would give away half his business to a drunk sibling who has no experience - because that is what your mother is demanding.

OOP: Yeah, especially since Lana is currently living with them while she recovers, they know exactly how she’s doing and that she isn’t fit to run a business. I have no doubts she’ll be a great employee since she’s always been the type to put her best foot forward in all she does, but with where she is at the moment, I think the stress would make her relapse.

Commenter: I suspect they know she’s going to crash and burn at this job and their only mental way out of that doomsday scenario is to believe that this is a “permanent” gig that she can’t be fired from.

That doesn’t excuse what they’ve done, however.

OOP: That might be it, I know previously my mom had told me how worried she was about Lana going job to job. I think I’m going to have a family talk with them after the weekend is over and hopefully I’ll find out where this is all coming from and how to deal with it.

OOP clarifies:

Thank you, but like I said in other comments I believe my parents behavior is primarily out of stress about Lana than genuine hostility or poor parenting. I should’ve been clearer in my post that Lana does not have a felony for DUI. She has two misdemeanors, however due to timeframe, lack of harm to herself and others, and the actual BAC level, she is not a felon in our state. And I wouldn’t say I’m successful, I’m definitely comfortable, but I still have to watch my budget.

Other employees/Lana’s access to the register:

I actually don’t have any other employees which is where I think my parents might be assuming she’ll be co-owner since I run my store almost entirely myself (I say almost because on rare occasions my friends might come in to help move stuff around or do deliveries). As for the register, I have my PayPal hooked up to the card reader, and even if she was paid with cash I would still know how much is made in a day and if numbers didn’t add up in the very unlikely event Lana would try to steal from me. As for becoming an enabler, I’ve been doing my own research on how to help recovering family without enabling them. And I have made it clear to Lana repeatedly, especially with the interview thing, that she will be treated like a normal worker when we’re on the clock.

One more thought from OOP:

Thank you, and I’m really proud of her too. Last week actually marked her first three months without a relapse!

Update Post: September 6, 2025 (Next Day)

So, before I get into the update I would like to clear some questions that were raised in the comments. I tried my best to answer them all but I got a lot. First, Lana is not a felon, in our state her DUIs are considered misdemeanors due to the BAC level she had plus the fact that her on…

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AITA telling my family my sister couldn't work with me because of them?

AITA telling my family my sister couldn't work with me because of them?

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