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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-09-13 04:00:41+00:00.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is tossawayaccount1800. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and her own page.
Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.
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Trigger Warnings: alcoholism/addiction; DUI; brief mention of suicide
Mood Spoiler: positive ending
Original Post: September 5, 2025
I (28F), run my own business as a seamstress selling clothes I’ve made as well as doing alterations. I’ve been open for two years, and I do a steady business and my primary income from my business is the alterations I do.
I have a sister (29F), who we’ll call Lana. Lana is currently a recovering alcoholic and I’m trying my best to support her. Due to DUIs, she has been struggling to find a job and her mental health isn’t helping her keep any job she finds. I feel really bad for her and while we were visiting my parents on Monday, I made the offer she could work for me. When I made the offer, I said that she could work inventory and register like a normal employee. She seemed pretty on board but said she would have to think about it since she didn’t want to leech off me. Our parents were also really on board and encouraging and thought this would be a great opportunity for both of us.
Wednesday, my mom called me and asked if the building would now be in both Lana and I’s names. I asked her what she meant and she said since Lana is co-owner her name should be on the lease. I told her it wouldn’t, because she wouldn’t be co-owner. I made it clear to my mother that Lana would be like any other employee, the reason I wanted her to work with me is so if she relapsed, she wouldn’t risk losing her job again since I know what’s she’s going through. Mom beat around the bush trying to convince me to make Lana co-owner and I repeatedly told her no, not only for Lana’s sake but also the sake of my business. I don’t think Lana would be a bad co-owner, but at this time, she’s still fairly unstable and I don’t want her to get stressed and fully break her sobriety. I made this clear to my mother in our phone call before she eventually gave up.
I thought that was the end of it, and few hours Lana called to ask if I hired her what she would be doing, I told her the same thing I said at dinner that she would mostly be doing inventory, register, etc. She asked if she would help with any of the clothes and I told her when she learned to sew I would consider it. She accepted and seemed excited with the arrangement since both of us have always loved fashion and we agreed I would host an interview with her at the end of next week on my day off.
My dad called me yesterday scolding me about the position I was putting Lana in and was telling me a meaner version of what my mother was saying and continuously trying to hound me to give Lana a higher position. I was getting really frustrated and I told him that if he and mom wouldn’t stop pushing, I just wouldn’t hire Lana at all. My dad called me a terrible sister before hanging up.
I called Lana and told her what happened and my words about not hiring her, she got upset with me and I apologized and told her I still wanted her to work with me, I just didn’t want to drama with mom and dad. She understood but is still upset with me I would even say that even in the heat of the moment. AITA?
Some of OOP"s Comments:
Commenter: NTA but you probably didn’t need to relay the entire conversation with your parents to your sister. You were both happy with the arrangement so your parents can butt out. Stick to your original plan and stop trying to justify yourself to your entitled parents.
OOP: Yeah, Lana and I have always been really close so I automatically tell her everything but it’s a bit late now. But you and the other commenter are right that I need to start standing up for myself against my parents more.
Commenter: Your parents have put you in an impossible position. I dont suppose they were offering to buy out half of the business to give to your sister?
OOP: No, but they did help me find the building my business is in as well as helped move some of my stuff into the building and get it set up. They haven’t paid of anything relating to my business, unless you count the sewing machine they got for me when I was 13 that started my love of clothes making, but I think that earlier help is why they think they have such a say in all this.
Commenter: Look at it this way, not as if your sister was a stranger applying for a job. Granted a lot of this wouldn’t be on an application but… would you hire someone with multiple DUI’s, mental health issues, and an alcoholic? I’m assuming the answer would be no, no, and no… NTA.
OOP: Yeah, I wouldn’t. But I can’t bring myself not to help her even if she would be a terrible hire on paper if she wasn’t family, and even then, it’s something she likes to do and I’ll be there to support her rather than metaphorically tossing her to the wolves if she worked with other people. Idk, I just want to help her out, but thank you for commenting.
Commenter: You seem to have turned out very well for having two completely delusional parents. Kudos!
OOP: Lol thanks! But all this is actually coming really out of the blue for them. My dad has always been really levelheaded and my mom was the one who taught me family should always be put first which is why their demands are so weird. Especially since at dinner I told them exactly what Lana would be doing and they seemed fine with it.
To another commenter:
Sometimes I wonder if my parents still think we’re teenagers arguing over who gets to drive the family car. As I said in a previous comment, their behavior is really out of the blue since they’ve always been really sweet and supportive when it came to my business. I want to believe they might just be misunderstanding something or maybe they’re just stressed trying to help Lana as best they can and taking that stress out in the wrong places. I’m just hoping this gets resolved before I interview Lana next week.
Top Commenter: NTA. Ask your dad if he would give away half his business to a drunk sibling who has no experience - because that is what your mother is demanding.
OOP: Yeah, especially since Lana is currently living with them while she recovers, they know exactly how she’s doing and that she isn’t fit to run a business. I have no doubts she’ll be a great employee since she’s always been the type to put her best foot forward in all she does, but with where she is at the moment, I think the stress would make her relapse.
Commenter: I suspect they know she’s going to crash and burn at this job and their only mental way out of that doomsday scenario is to believe that this is a “permanent” gig that she can’t be fired from.
That doesn’t excuse what they’ve done, however.
OOP: That might be it, I know previously my mom had told me how worried she was about Lana going job to job. I think I’m going to have a family talk with them after the weekend is over and hopefully I’ll find out where this is all coming from and how to deal with it.
OOP clarifies:
Thank you, but like I said in other comments I believe my parents behavior is primarily out of stress about Lana than genuine hostility or poor parenting. I should’ve been clearer in my post that Lana does not have a felony for DUI. She has two misdemeanors, however due to timeframe, lack of harm to herself and others, and the actual BAC level, she is not a felon in our state. And I wouldn’t say I’m successful, I’m definitely comfortable, but I still have to watch my budget.
Other employees/Lana’s access to the register:
I actually don’t have any other employees which is where I think my parents might be assuming she’ll be co-owner since I run my store almost entirely myself (I say almost because on rare occasions my friends might come in to help move stuff around or do deliveries). As for the register, I have my PayPal hooked up to the card reader, and even if she was paid with cash I would still know how much is made in a day and if numbers didn’t add up in the very unlikely event Lana would try to steal from me. As for becoming an enabler, I’ve been doing my own research on how to help recovering family without enabling them. And I have made it clear to Lana repeatedly, especially with the interview thing, that she will be treated like a normal worker when we’re on the clock.
One more thought from OOP:
Thank you, and I’m really proud of her too. Last week actually marked her first three months without a relapse!
Update Post: September 6, 2025 (Next Day)
So, before I get into the update I would like to clear some questions that were raised in the comments. I tried my best to answer them all but I got a lot. First, Lana is not a felon, in our state her DUIs are considered misdemeanors due to the BAC level she had plus the fact that her on…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1nfnqrd/aita_telling_my_family_my_sister_couldnt_work/
Those parents were not doing their daughter’s any favors.
Update Post: September 6, 2025 (Next Day)
So, before I get into the update I would like to clear some questions that were raised in the comments. I tried my best to answer them all but I got a lot. First, Lana is not a felon, in our state her DUIs are considered misdemeanors due to the BAC level she had plus the fact that her only crime while driving under the influence was going below the speed limit.
Second, my parents behavior was very out of the blue, they’re usually very supportive and rational but I think that the stress of Lana is making them act irrationally. As one commenter put it, they see her working for me as a “magic bullet to fix everything” and when I tried to set the boundary of her being an employee rather than a co-owner, they thought I was not going to give her a good job at all.
Third, my business is very small, I run it all by myself and like I said in my first post, most of my money comes from alterations rather than my own designs. Fourth, what I said about Lana not getting the job was heat of the moment frustration when talking to my dad, he was yelling at me over the phone and was being incredibly pushy and it felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I still have full intentions to hire Lana and the interview for this coming Friday is still on, I just said it to try and get dad off my back and I apologized to Lana about even saying it to begin with since it wasn’t fair to her.
Fifth, some people were implying Lana’s drinking had to do with our parents, it does not. Up until this point we’ve never had any major rifts with our family and we’ve always been incredibly tight-knit, the reason for her drinking was because of something outside of us. I won’t say what since it is not my place, but our parents have nothing to do with her addiction other than giving both of us the “addiction gene”. Anyways, here’s the update.
Lana called me after dinner last night and we talked, she spoke with our parents and told me that my suspicions of a lot of this being an stress-filled misunderstanding were correct and she invited me over this morning for breakfast with them all. I got back literal minutes ago as I’m writing this.
It was pretty awkward at first, our parents were still on this high horse about Lana getting a good position however we were able to talk it out. Lana explained how she doesn’t feel ready for such a position while she’s still recovering and how it would make her feel like she’s leeching off me, she also pointed out that their pushiness was impacting her and I’s relationship and stressing her out more since she felt like she had to pick a side. She appreciated their concern, however as she pointed out, that concern was coming at a detriment to all of us.
I told them how I felt like they didn’t respect my business and how hurtful their words and actions were, especially my dad yelling at me as raised voices has always been something I’m sensitive about. I explained my perspective of how I didn’t want to stress out Lana with a position she really isn’t ready for nor does she have the experience for and it felt like I was getting punished for trying to help her out. I brought up what another commenter said about how it was like expecting me to put her on the lease of my apartment she doesn’t even live in.
My parents really took sometime to think over what Lana and I were saying while they made breakfast and when we sat down to eat they apologized to us and explained that they were terrified of Lana having another relapse. Apparently, before we were born, my mom’s cousin suffered from addiction and mental health which eventually led to her committing, and they were terrified that the same might happen to Lana which was why they were pushing for a more “permanent” position. It was a hard talk but those were the important bits. It ended with some tears from my mom and so, so, SO many apologies.
We’ve all agreed it would be good to look into family therapy, Lana is already seeing an addiction psychologist and plans to consult them about good family support groups and therapists at her next session. My parents keep occasionally texting me asking if I need help with anything and if I’m okay, which is their way of apologizing even more.
The interview between Lana and I is still on, and I’ve already set some boundaries with her about what it means working under me to ensure she has structure without enabling her, and when we get the therapist I’ll also be speaking with them for more tips. I’m a bit surprised things resolved this fast, but not really. My family and lingering tension is like oil and water, none of us can ever go to bed upset. I think things are going to be weird for a while, but in the end I think it’ll be alright.
I’m excited to work with Lana and I am nervous but eager to start family therapy since I think it will be good for all of us. Thank you all for your kind comments and support, other than responding to comments this will probably be the last post I make since I just made this account to get advice. Thank you!
One of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: This is a great update! Thanks for posting it. Best wishes to Lana, if you can pass this on from a stranger on the internet, and great respect to you.
OOP: I will, but I think my family would freak out if they knew I posted about our squabbles on the internet, lol. I’ll tell her you’re just a friend
