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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-10-09 04:04:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA7777888
Originally posted to r/relationship_advice & r/legaladvice
My (22f) birth control was tampered with by my boyfriend (22m). I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do.
Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, abortion, baby trapping
Original Post: September 9, 2025
My boyfriend (22m) and I (22f) have been together for 3 years. We were high school friends, grew apart, ended up going to the same college, similar majors, reconnected, you can guess the rest.
We’ve been on the rocks lately. Our lifestyles just don’t align very well, and sometimes he treats me more like a mother than a partner. I am losing patience.
He is an only child, and kind of a massive momma’s boy. His mom is nice enough, just very traditional. Until recently, I don’t feel like I’ve had a reason to distrust her. He confides in her a lot about our relationship, sometimes an uncomfortable amount. For the past couple of months, I feel like she’s been trying to plant seeds in my head about having kids when I’m alone with her.
Some examples:
“The joy of motherhood is like nothing else. You’ll understand someday.”
“I know it’s hard right now. You know, a baby might bring you closer.”
“My husband and I fought constantly until we finally had [bf’s name].”
“Once you have a baby, everything else falls away. They’re little miracle workers.”
“You know, fatherhood changes people. I think [bf’s name] just needs to experience it.” (that last one in regards to his irresponsibility and lack of accountability for housework)
I’m on the pill. I’ve been trying to get on a different form of birth control that doesn’t require constant effort (like an IUD, injections, arm implant) but I haven’t been able to decide which one is right for me. My birth control comes in a blister pack, but I usually pop a week’s worth into a pill organizer so I can just take it with my other medications. I don’t bother taking the sugar pills you’re supposed to take during the week of your period.
I keep the empty blister packs with the leftover sugar pills in my nightstand because I’m weird about throwing things away sometimes (“what if I need it later” mentality I picked up from growing up in a doomsday prepping household. thanks dad). I feel incredibly stupid for that now.
A couple of weeks ago, I missed my period. Took a pregnancy test, saw the dreaded second line, and proceeded to freak out. BF was at work when I found out, so I called him immediately. I told him we needed to talk, and that it was urgent. He didn’t want to come home at first since we are not in a great situation financially. I started bawling and begging, and I think he realized I was serious.
When he got home, I was sitting on the bathroom floor. I was a wreck, cried so hard I vomited. Anyways, BF gets back to our apartment, finds me on the floor, and as soon as he sees the pregnancy test, he fucking smiles. His face lit up, and I saw red. No acknowledgement of the state I was in. The first thing he said to me besides, “what’s going on??” was, “oh my god, baby, this is great!” I wanted to put my head through the wall.
I tried to explain to him through snot and tears and spit that no, this was not great, we’re both full time students with jobs. I can’t take time off. I have a ton of unresolved health issues. We can barely afford the roof over our heads. I hate the idea of getting an abortion. I am all for it when it’s someone else, just for me, I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it.
He left me to cool down in the bathroom for a while (I told him to get out) and I saw one of my fucking blister packs in the bathroom trash can. We don’t use it very often, so we only empty it once in a while. I threw away the pregnancy test, it knocked aside a wad of toilet paper, and the silver foil caught my eye. I dug through the trash and I found 7 of my regular fucking birth control pills at the bottom of the trash bag. I can’t believe he not only did this to me but also was so incredibly careless. It’s like he barely tried to hide it. I can’t tell if he wanted me to find out or if he just genuinely doesn’t have anything knocking around inside his cranium besides a few rocks.
I had been wracking my brain trying to figure out how this could’ve happened. I am so, so diligent about taking my meds. I feel so fucking stupid. So so so stupid. The sugar pills are literally a different fucking color. I take like 7 pills in the morning and unceremoniously dump them into my mouth, I definitely didn’t look closely at them. He didn’t give me a reason to think I had to. He hadn’t said anything about kids. I could tell he was kind of trying to be better about his responsibilities lately, I thought things were finally starting to look up when it came to the state of our relationship.
We have access to each other’s phones. I think he probably checked my fitbit app to find out when I was ovulating, since I track my period there. I don’t know how else he could’ve known. I think I remember a few times I’d unlock my phone and find the app open, but I thought nothing of it.
I confided in a few close friends about all of this. Told them everything. What he did, how I think he did it, how I think his mom might’ve told him to, how fucking devastated I am and how stupid I feel. In essence, they told me I need to grow a spine, leave him, stop going crazy, and figure my shit out/decide what to do. Now a part of me feel like i migjt be overreacting. Im staying with my parents right now, they don’t know what’s going on. They’re kind of religious, and I’m not exactly sure how they feel about abortion. I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t know how they’ll react. BF has been texting me nonstop, telling me to calm down and come home and talk to him. I’m so fucking lost. Sorry if this is a mess. I’m not proofreading, I don’t have the bandwidth right now.
Quick edit: I’m terminating. I’m chronically ill, I’d have an extremely risky pregnancy, and I don’t want to bring a kid into this environment. I’ve made an appointment, but I’m still so scared. I also had my friend gently prod my ex over text about what happened, and he didn’t even have to do much. He bent immediately, saying he needed to get it off his chest and that he “feels like a terrible person” (he is). I am leaving that goddamn scumbag scourge on my life far behind me, he just doesn’t know it yet.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Girl there is absolutely no shame in getting an abortion. I would definitely not want to even co-parent with someone like that if they are so incredibly manipulative.
OOP: It’s not so much shame as it is guilt and anxiety. I just worry that if I do I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, or that something will go wrong. I guess there’s no way to know unless I do it. Maybe you’re right.
Commenter 2: I am not going to sugarcoat this: This is a form of sexual assault. He is trying to force you to carry a child to term, birth it and raise it, all without your consent. This is not a safe person to have in your life, nor is he safe to raise a child. Him and his mom — your description of his mom makes me think they did this together or it was her idea.
A word of advice: if you do decide to terminate, tell him you miscarried. He doesn’t deserve the truth, and you don’t deserve whatever terrible response he and his mom would direct your way.
You need to put yourself first and decide what you want your life to be. Good luck, OP.
Commenter 3: 100%. OP, this man has committed a pretty serious crime against you. You are not overreacting. I understand the guilt aspect of not wanting to have an abortion and that’s a super valid way to feel, however it’s worth considering that if he was willing to commit an act of sexual violence to keep you with him and doing what he wants, you really don’t know what he’s capable of. And you really don’t know what his mother is capable of. It’s common knowledge that you should not bring a child into a relationship that is struggling. It’s a hard thing to do even in a strong relationship. And you don’t want to condemn a child to a life with these people either.
You don’t want to be tied to this man and his mother for the rest of your life. There are literally millions of men out there who could give you a child when you were ready, willing and most importantly, AWARE of what was happening. I promise you deserve so much better than this!
Commenter 4: If you’re in a single party consent state/country, record him admitting it and report him to the police. What a fucking monster.
OOP: I’m in IL, it’s an all party consent state. I have a really close mutual friend with him that I’ve known since childhood. I’m gonna ask if he’d be willing to gently prod BF via text to try to get an admission/explanation. Both because I plan on filing a police report once I figure out how, and because I feel like I need to know exactly what happened. I don’t know if I’ll get that closure. We’ll see.
Commenter 5: Also not sure if OP is in the US, but definitely wait on reporting un…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1o1wat8/my_22f_birth_control_was_tampered_with_by_my/
Never understood the insanity of messing with birth control. Like do these guys legitimately think through all the data and go yeah this is right choice? Or are they just dumbest dudes ever and trying to avoid darminisim.
Like forget the immense ethical side of things. From a practical side this decision is a huge disservice to themselves, their “partner”, and their baby. Unless they were getting millions of dollars for having this kid it seems like madness.
Plus ppl forced into this dont become great parents. Maybe its redundant with the disservice bit above but pll run after baby is born or baby is hated by parents.
Commenter 5: Also not sure if OP is in the US, but definitely wait on reporting until you confirm your state’s current laws on abortion. You probably won’t want to report if you’re in a state that has made abortion illegal, as it would document your pregnancy. Am so sorry, OP
OOP: I’m in IL, thankfully abortion is protected here. I’m going to terminate. I feel like at this point I have a moral obligation to report him. He did it to me, he could do it to somebody else. He deserves to face repercussions for this.
My boyfriend tampered with my birth control without my knowledge or consent, and now I’m pregnant. Can I go to the police?: September 9, 2025 (same day, five hours later)
Location: IL
My boyfriend swapped my normal birth control with sugar pills. I have some physical evidence of the tampering (the pills he threw away), and screenshots of him admitting that he did it/an explanation of how he did it via texts he sent to my friends. Does this warrant going to police? I don’t even know where to start or what I would say.
Top Comments
Commenter 1: NAL This is called reproductive coercion. There are specific laws against this in some jurisdiction, but still might be actionable in other jurisdictions. You at least have grounds for a civil suit
Commenter 2: NAL. Yes, you can always go to the police. There’s no harm in talking to the police to see if they’ll file charges.
Some argue that it’s a form of sexual assault because it violates consent. You would not have had sex with him had you known the truth. But I don’t believe that IL has a specific law concerning this.
It also goes by the name “reproductive coercion”.
Here’s an Illinois organization that fights abuse and violence in relationships. Perhaps they can help advise you. Here’s their page on reproductive abuse : https://betweenfriendschicago.org/2025/04/18/reproductive-abuse-is-sexual-violence-lets-call-it-what-it-is/
Commenter 3: Hi there, I am a legal advocate for SA victims and have worked for multiple crisis centers in different states including Illinois. You have a few options here, but I would start with finding the rape crisis center for your area through the Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault. Rape crisis advocates in IL have absolute privilege and can’t report or share anything without your permission, so you can feel safe that law enforcement won’t be notified unless you want them to be. They’ll go over all of the options with you and be able to give you information specific to your area and even meet with you in person to help you make a report, attend hearings with you, etc.
https://icasa.org/crisis-centers
(Edit to add: legal advocacy through rape crisis centers is FREE. They aren’t attorneys but they are extremely helpful)
Commenter 4: As a a victim of reproductive coercion I think you should consult with a qualified Illinois attorney. An attorney can help clarify potential civil claims and determine the best legal course of action.
Abortions are still legal in Illinois.
Update: October 2, 2025 (nearly one month later)
Update: My (22f) birth control was tampered with by my boyfriend (22m). I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do?
I haven’t proofread this (sorry) so please excuse any screwups
So much has happened since I last posted here, as I’m sure you can imagine. Long story short, ex’s family is a MESS. Getting in touch with legal professionals and talking to police has been so overwhelming, but I am lucky enough to be working with some absolute angels. I can’t get into the weeds of all that in this post. It doesn’t really look great, but it’s hard to say what’ll happen since everything is so fresh. Courts move at a snail’s pace, but if I’m ever in a position to give an update I will.
Now for everything else I guess.
Ex confessed to messing with my birth control. I have a close childhood friend who my ex took to early in our relationship. Looking back, ex definitely had a little bit of a thing for her. I think everyone who knows her kinda does (myself included). She is compassionate, amaidable, gorgeous, the whole package. Anyone who knows her well knows she is not to be fucked with. Point is, he trusted her a lot. A few hours after I made my post, she and I got together and schemed. We very gently prodded him over text. He barely bent before he broke. We deliberately made the text messages sound super nonjudgmental, like she was on his side. She threw me under the bus a little bit and implied she felt closer to him than to me to really sell the act. I can’t go into detail about how the conversation went down (legal shit), but I do have the screenshots and I will definitely be posting them if I can once all of this is over and done with (if I remember to, that is).
I don’t think ex would’ve ever spilled his guts if she hadn’t been in the picture. Friend has been by my side pretty much ever since. I mentioned at the end of my original post that I’ve been staying with my parents, and they have been gracious enough to help me until I’m back on my feet no matter how long it takes.
I quit my dead end job (I’ve been meaning to anyway), and I’ve been doing school online. Friend brought her mini work-from-home set up and we’ve both just been sharing a bed in my childhood room most nights. Also we sorta kissed. Only once. It was nice. I had a big fat crush on her for like the entirety of high school. Idk what else to say about that. I won’t bore you guys with the details since I know it’s not what you’re here for lol. I don’t wanna tell my friends about it yet, so you guys get to hear first. I’m not dying to get into something serious at the moment, but I won’t complain if it ends up going somewhere.
I think some part of me has known for a while that my last relationship was comphet. Leaving felt like such a monumental task. In some messed up way, this has been a blessing. I was thrust into a situation where the only reasonable option was to drop him like hot shit, which was kinda long overdue.
Parents are also way chiller than I thought they’d be. I mentioned in my last post that they’re kinda religious, but they chilled out a lot after I moved out. Faith is still a big part of their lives, but they’re less into following the book to a T, and more into making the world a better place. My dad got really into virtue ethics and I think it’s been good for him. I had a conversation with my mom about everything, and she has been nothing but supportive.
We had a girls day with her, my aunt, my friend, and my sister a couple of days before my appointment. Being surrounded by love made everything easier. Appointment went well, no complications, and everyone made sure I was taken care of while I recovered physically and emotionally. I can’t even begin to tell you all how grateful I am. I feel like everything has gone as well as it possibly could’ve in the wake of an absolute shit storm.
As for ex’s family, holy shit. This isn’t the first time this happened. Ex’s cousin did almost the exact same thing, but his gf (now wife) kept the kid and married the shitbag. I’ve been talking to her, but I don’t want to air out all of her trauma and dirty laundry on the internet. Lots going on for her. If she gives me permission to talk about it here, I might update once the dust settles.
I don’t have much else to say, except to thank you all SO INCREDIBLY MUCH for giving me the kick in the ass I needed. I’ve received so much kindness from this community, both in comments in DMs. There were so many comments I didn’t get the chance to read, but everything I saw was so sweet. Not a single unkind word. I hope you all continue to be such gems. I hope the goodness you’ve imparted onto my life comes back around. Thank you thank you thank you. :)
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Good riddance! Happy for you :)
losing those 180 lbs feels great
OOP: It certainly does 😌 thank you!
Commenter 2: okay surprise sapphic love story IS DEFINITELY what we are here for, just to clarify. i speak for the entire internet.
OOP: LMAO thank you, idk about love story just yet but my fingers are crossed just a tiny bit
Commenter 3: Protect your heart…, but that said, she can’t get you pregnant! Yay!
OOP: Lmao that’s true! Neither of us want to risk losing what we’ve had since childhood, so I’m keeping my expectations completely neutral. We’ve talked a bit about what a relationship would look like if we did have one, and we agree now is definitely not the time. For now, we’re just enjoying being in each other’s company. I’m so lucky to have her regardless of how things play out :')
OOP responds to a downvoted comment regarding her throwaway account and how recently she started to post
OOP: That’s fair, I’d probably think so too. I made this because I considered posting about my ex quite a while ago. Ex treated me more like a mother than a partner, totally incapable of taking care of himself, irresponsible with house duties, generally leaving everything to me despite us both being busy students with jobs. He played it down a lot whenever I’d bring it up, and I believed him. It felt too mundane to post about, I thought I was just being dramatic. Ive lurked a few subs on this account since I made it. I do get it, though, reddit is full of slop these days. Hopefully this provides a bit more clarity
OOP responds to a longer comment regarding the book recommendations and how she is doing physically, mentally, and emotionally
OOP: I’ll definitely be checking out both of those books :) you are so kind. I’m doing as alright as I possibly could be. Still busy with school, I think I’d be drowning if I hadn’t quit my job. I’m fairly sure the only thing keeping me afloat right now is constantly being surrounded by people. If I were alone, it’d be a much different story. I don’t really feel safe when I’m home alone, and it’s hard for me to leave without one of my siblings/friends/parents. I’m not quite ready for something like therapy yet. Wounds are still too fresh.
Sleep was definitely a hurdle at the beginning, but I think I’m mostly past it now. The first few nights after I left I physically could not sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time. Like I was so tired but my body just wouldn’t let me rest. I’d wake up in a cold sweat (and for some reason a really stuffed nose?? this had never happened to me before) every time I managed to drift off. I had really vivid anxious dreams that usually involved falling from a great height at the end, and then I’d wake up when I hit the ground. Not sure how much sense that made lol. They’re less and less frequent every day, and now at least I can get back to sleep pretty quickly most of the time. Occasionally, if it’s really bad, I smoke a little bit of weed. Usually that knocks me out lol. Never enough to become dependent, though, I’m too scared of that
Having my friend here helps, I definitely sleep a lot deeper when she stays the night. Even when she doesn’t, though, just knowing that my parents are home makes me feel safe enough to sleep.
All told, I’m slowly starting to feel like a person again. Things aren’t perfect and peachy and normal, but hey, they rarely are. I’m doing alright. Thank you again <3
OOP on being safe and away from her ex
OOP: Yeah I’m safe :) thanks for asking. I haven’t blocked him in case he says anything incriminating, so far the texts and voicemails have just been begging and pleading for me to “hear him out” and “try to work through this with him” etc. no threats of violence (thankfully). I’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s gone off the rails a little bit. He got fired from his job (server at a kinda fancy restaurant) for freaking out customers, lingering around tables and making intense eye contact and asking inappropriate questions. I have a friend in one of his classes and he’s shown up wearing extremely formal attire for some reason. I really hope he gets some help (for the sake of everyone around him) as much as I hate him. He’s not violent for the time being but I feel like he’s acting out in strange ways and it could go south quickly
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
