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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-10-09 04:04:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA7777888
Originally posted to r/relationship_advice & r/legaladvice
My (22f) birth control was tampered with by my boyfriend (22m). I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do.
Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, abortion, baby trapping
Original Post: September 9, 2025
My boyfriend (22m) and I (22f) have been together for 3 years. We were high school friends, grew apart, ended up going to the same college, similar majors, reconnected, you can guess the rest.
We’ve been on the rocks lately. Our lifestyles just don’t align very well, and sometimes he treats me more like a mother than a partner. I am losing patience.
He is an only child, and kind of a massive momma’s boy. His mom is nice enough, just very traditional. Until recently, I don’t feel like I’ve had a reason to distrust her. He confides in her a lot about our relationship, sometimes an uncomfortable amount. For the past couple of months, I feel like she’s been trying to plant seeds in my head about having kids when I’m alone with her.
Some examples:
“The joy of motherhood is like nothing else. You’ll understand someday.”
“I know it’s hard right now. You know, a baby might bring you closer.”
“My husband and I fought constantly until we finally had [bf’s name].”
“Once you have a baby, everything else falls away. They’re little miracle workers.”
“You know, fatherhood changes people. I think [bf’s name] just needs to experience it.” (that last one in regards to his irresponsibility and lack of accountability for housework)
I’m on the pill. I’ve been trying to get on a different form of birth control that doesn’t require constant effort (like an IUD, injections, arm implant) but I haven’t been able to decide which one is right for me. My birth control comes in a blister pack, but I usually pop a week’s worth into a pill organizer so I can just take it with my other medications. I don’t bother taking the sugar pills you’re supposed to take during the week of your period.
I keep the empty blister packs with the leftover sugar pills in my nightstand because I’m weird about throwing things away sometimes (“what if I need it later” mentality I picked up from growing up in a doomsday prepping household. thanks dad). I feel incredibly stupid for that now.
A couple of weeks ago, I missed my period. Took a pregnancy test, saw the dreaded second line, and proceeded to freak out. BF was at work when I found out, so I called him immediately. I told him we needed to talk, and that it was urgent. He didn’t want to come home at first since we are not in a great situation financially. I started bawling and begging, and I think he realized I was serious.
When he got home, I was sitting on the bathroom floor. I was a wreck, cried so hard I vomited. Anyways, BF gets back to our apartment, finds me on the floor, and as soon as he sees the pregnancy test, he fucking smiles. His face lit up, and I saw red. No acknowledgement of the state I was in. The first thing he said to me besides, “what’s going on??” was, “oh my god, baby, this is great!” I wanted to put my head through the wall.
I tried to explain to him through snot and tears and spit that no, this was not great, we’re both full time students with jobs. I can’t take time off. I have a ton of unresolved health issues. We can barely afford the roof over our heads. I hate the idea of getting an abortion. I am all for it when it’s someone else, just for me, I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it.
He left me to cool down in the bathroom for a while (I told him to get out) and I saw one of my fucking blister packs in the bathroom trash can. We don’t use it very often, so we only empty it once in a while. I threw away the pregnancy test, it knocked aside a wad of toilet paper, and the silver foil caught my eye. I dug through the trash and I found 7 of my regular fucking birth control pills at the bottom of the trash bag. I can’t believe he not only did this to me but also was so incredibly careless. It’s like he barely tried to hide it. I can’t tell if he wanted me to find out or if he just genuinely doesn’t have anything knocking around inside his cranium besides a few rocks.
I had been wracking my brain trying to figure out how this could’ve happened. I am so, so diligent about taking my meds. I feel so fucking stupid. So so so stupid. The sugar pills are literally a different fucking color. I take like 7 pills in the morning and unceremoniously dump them into my mouth, I definitely didn’t look closely at them. He didn’t give me a reason to think I had to. He hadn’t said anything about kids. I could tell he was kind of trying to be better about his responsibilities lately, I thought things were finally starting to look up when it came to the state of our relationship.
We have access to each other’s phones. I think he probably checked my fitbit app to find out when I was ovulating, since I track my period there. I don’t know how else he could’ve known. I think I remember a few times I’d unlock my phone and find the app open, but I thought nothing of it.
I confided in a few close friends about all of this. Told them everything. What he did, how I think he did it, how I think his mom might’ve told him to, how fucking devastated I am and how stupid I feel. In essence, they told me I need to grow a spine, leave him, stop going crazy, and figure my shit out/decide what to do. Now a part of me feel like i migjt be overreacting. Im staying with my parents right now, they don’t know what’s going on. They’re kind of religious, and I’m not exactly sure how they feel about abortion. I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t know how they’ll react. BF has been texting me nonstop, telling me to calm down and come home and talk to him. I’m so fucking lost. Sorry if this is a mess. I’m not proofreading, I don’t have the bandwidth right now.
Quick edit: I’m terminating. I’m chronically ill, I’d have an extremely risky pregnancy, and I don’t want to bring a kid into this environment. I’ve made an appointment, but I’m still so scared. I also had my friend gently prod my ex over text about what happened, and he didn’t even have to do much. He bent immediately, saying he needed to get it off his chest and that he “feels like a terrible person” (he is). I am leaving that goddamn scumbag scourge on my life far behind me, he just doesn’t know it yet.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Girl there is absolutely no shame in getting an abortion. I would definitely not want to even co-parent with someone like that if they are so incredibly manipulative.
OOP: It’s not so much shame as it is guilt and anxiety. I just worry that if I do I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, or that something will go wrong. I guess there’s no way to know unless I do it. Maybe you’re right.
Commenter 2: I am not going to sugarcoat this: This is a form of sexual assault. He is trying to force you to carry a child to term, birth it and raise it, all without your consent. This is not a safe person to have in your life, nor is he safe to raise a child. Him and his mom — your description of his mom makes me think they did this together or it was her idea.
A word of advice: if you do decide to terminate, tell him you miscarried. He doesn’t deserve the truth, and you don’t deserve whatever terrible response he and his mom would direct your way.
You need to put yourself first and decide what you want your life to be. Good luck, OP.
Commenter 3: 100%. OP, this man has committed a pretty serious crime against you. You are not overreacting. I understand the guilt aspect of not wanting to have an abortion and that’s a super valid way to feel, however it’s worth considering that if he was willing to commit an act of sexual violence to keep you with him and doing what he wants, you really don’t know what he’s capable of. And you really don’t know what his mother is capable of. It’s common knowledge that you should not bring a child into a relationship that is struggling. It’s a hard thing to do even in a strong relationship. And you don’t want to condemn a child to a life with these people either.
You don’t want to be tied to this man and his mother for the rest of your life. There are literally millions of men out there who could give you a child when you were ready, willing and most importantly, AWARE of what was happening. I promise you deserve so much better than this!
Commenter 4: If you’re in a single party consent state/country, record him admitting it and report him to the police. What a fucking monster.
OOP: I’m in IL, it’s an all party consent state. I have a really close mutual friend with him that I’ve known since childhood. I’m gonna ask if he’d be willing to gently prod BF via text to try to get an admission/explanation. Both because I plan on filing a police report once I figure out how, and because I feel like I need to know exactly what happened. I don’t know if I’ll get that closure. We’ll see.
Commenter 5: Also not sure if OP is in the US, but definitely wait on reporting un…
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