**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Annual_Razzmatazz_94** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** **I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I'll...
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-11-02 04:02:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Annual_Razzmatazz_94

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I’ll never know the truth

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: obsessive behavior

Mood Spoilers: enraging

Original Post: August 31, 2025

A woman, Beth, (30sF) moved in to our estate a few weeks ago. A single mother with split custody with her ex. My husband, Carl, (32M) is the chairperson of our HoA.

A week or 2 after moving in, she calls my husband to ask his assistance in mounting her TV on the wall. He goes and helps. A few days later her dishwasher was leaking. He goes and helps. This wasn’t a problem for me, as he always helps everyone in the estate with little problems.

As the weeks go on, she constantly needs help with things, always calling him for help. He goes. I now started getting annoyed as we haven’t been in the best state because I’ve just had a baby (he’s 4 months old) and we’ve had fights where I felt he wasn’t helping me enough. I gave natural birth and am still bleeding now and then and my pelvis is still readjusting.

Carl goes over to help Beth (AGAIN, even our neighbors who we are very close with commented that its odd) and offers that we do a lunch or something to welcome her and be friends as she just moved here and doesn’t really know anyone. Mind you, he hasn’t done this for other people.

Lunch happens, and she calls me by the wrong name. I correct her and she’s very giggly about it. She seems okay, a bit too over the top in terms of trying to be dominant in a conversation, but I think she’s okay. She comes over again one more time for a barbecue a week or two later and outlr close neighbors join. They think she’s okay, too.

Then that week, while I’m at work, she comes over to say hi to my husband (he works from home, she’s a teacher and schools are currently closed). She shows up wearing workout clothes. I got a text from my neighbor that also works from home, saying Beth is there. I leave it, as my husband is very social and we have cameras in the house.

The next day, same thing. I mention that I’m glad she’s made a friend, my husband agrees and that “she’s a cool chick”. This happens about 4 more times. I then have to travel for work, 4 days away, and then she came over almost every single day. In workout clothes. One night I watched the cameras, and they were sitting by the table eating together, and I just lost it.

My husband is an avid gamer, so he plays games every night, earing dinner by his PC… I always beg him to sit by me and eat with me. He does it maybe once or twice a week.

I called my husband after Beth had left and told him that these visits while I’m not home are making me very uncomfortable. Shes been over 3 times while I was home, but constantly there when its just him. He apologized and said he will set boundaries. Great! This discussion was on the Thursday night. Friday morning, Beth rocks up again. I keep my cool, because Carl said he will talk to her. I get home the Friday night and we have the discussion again. We are both calm and all that.

Monday morning our baby got sick. Carl takes him to the doctor and tells me that I need to be at home Tuesday and Wednesday because baby can’t go to baby school because he is sick. Okay cool, I come home early on Monday and look after baby. Monday afternoon, Beth and her ex have a chat about an offer my hubby had made to the ex about him coming over and also being friends (ex lives in our estate too). Do you think Beth texts my husband about this chat that happemd on the Monday? Nope. I am home Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday morning when I go to the office, Beth rocks up to chat about it. I lost it completely, because now its been a week since I told Carl about my discomfort.

We had a very serious discussion that night where I said that if I see her here again when I am not here, I know he has no regard for my feelings. He was adamant about staying friends, and asked for a compromise. I said that the compromise is that she does not come here when i am not here. The next morning he went to go talk to her about it, and apparently she was extremely apologetic, really wanting to be friends with me too… but she almost never came over when I was at home.

She hasn’t been here since then (2 weeks now) and I have not had a text or whatever from her. He refused to show me the texts with her, and I told him that it will always bug me if he doesn’t show me. He said “so be it”. I honestly think he was having an emotional affair. But I will never know…

My close neighbor told me about a conversation she had with him while I was at work a few weeks ago;

“He told me you were jealous and I said well can you blame her then I said that he drops everything for these woman but doesn’t do the same for you. And he said “that’s what OP said” then he went silent and changed the subject 🤣🤣”.

Just needed to vent…

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Thats really painful, you are right to feel hurt. Even if not physical, the secrecy and attention he gave her crossed a boundary

OOP: He honestly made me feel like I was acting crazy, because he only spoke to her after I went delulu. But thank you

Commenter 2: He crossed many boundaries. And this is something that you need to go to couples counseling about. You have every right to be concerned and upset.

I would tell him outright that he had an emotional affair. Not only did you see it, but the neighbors saw it. And his lack of being forthcoming and letting you see the text messages is indicative of that and may show there is more than an emotional affair.

I would go see an attorney to get you affairs in order in effort to protect yourself and your child. Additionally, I would start sleeping separately for now too.

Commenter 3: Your neighbour is a hero. Calling him out for doing things for her and not you. Hopefully with someone else saying it, it actually registers in his truck head.

Even if it’s not emotional cheating he has no regard for your feelings or helping you out but happy to spend time helping other women. Totally inappropriate.

Update #1: October 8, 2025 (a bit over five weeks later)

UPDATE: I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I’ll never know the truth

Update:

I managed to see the messages between them. Nothing of a sexual nature at all, not even flirty. There was a day where he texted her at 07h30, but only texted me at 09h45 after I had sent him a text at 06h50, but that’s as bad as it gets… He does not know that I’ve seen the texts so I’ve kept it quiet.

We had a massive fight a few days after I made the original post, and I told him that I am considering separation. I think that made him realize how serious this all is. It’s pretty much a blur, but I’ve started going to therapy to deal with past traumas and I am on antidepressants. Carl joined me in my last session and I think he realizes what Beth’s intentions were, as my male psychologist said that that was very unusual behaviour from her, that “she is a threat and has intentions”

Carl and I are doing great now, but the reason why I am posting this update, is to show what Beth said to me after I decided to send her a message to bury the hatchet and move on. These are the texts:

Me: Dear Beth,

I wanted to share what’s been on my mind. I was genuinely glad when we first met. It felt like I’d found someone new with a similar personality, and I thought there was potential for a real friendship. But as time has passed, I’ve felt hurt and disrespected by some of your choices. As someone who has also experienced betrayal, I would have hoped you’d understand how it came across when you frequently visited my husband while I wasn’t home, yet never came when I was there. You had opportunities to build a friendship with me too. I’ve just had a baby, and during such a vulnerable time it was especially difficult seeing how often you reached out to Carl for help. Certain things, like your son calling him “dada”, crossed lines that made me deeply uncomfortable. I tried to brush off a lot, but when you avoided coming by during the days I was home, only to return the moment I was back at work, it became impossible to ignore. I’ve spoken to Carl about his role in this, but as a woman, I also expected you to recognize when enough was enough. In my position, I believe you would have felt the same way. I’ve acknowledged everything now and I’m moving forward. Whether it was you seeking attention or Carl enjoying it, I was willing to let things go, until both of your actions crossed into what I can only call unacceptable.

Beth then sent a long voice note detailing how it wasn’t her intention to hurt me, how she just naturally gravitates towards men, bla blah, and how me being an introvert she just didn’t wanna be in my space, blah blah blah. Then sent “I really like you guys and hope we can still be friends. But In saying that I will respect the boundaries and your wishes.”

Me: I appreciate your message

Beth…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1om7roh/i_think_my_husband_had_an_emotional_affair_and/

  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
    1·
    9 hours ago

    Beth: Soooo is that a yes we can be friends?

    Me: If I’m honest, I still hold a lot of resentment. Mainly because what he was freely giving you, attention and effort, I was begging for and not receiving. He tried his best to reach a compromise with me, telling me that you were over one day to ask advice because you met someone at a bar and wanted his opinion if the guy is interested or not. So I received a lot of mixed stories, because I remember you saying that you’re happy being single and not looking. I am working through my emotions, as I have a lot of unresolved trauma, and Carl’s constant defending you left a very bad taste in my mouth. I don’t know if it would be possible while we are still working on things, as this has caused a very big rift between us.

    I realized my mistake here when I gave her a good feeling because my husband defended her.

    The next part she sent a bunch of texts.

    Beth: Carl defended me because he wanted you to realize him and I are good friends

    Beth: I don’t want to be that person but I do think you need to take a step back and also put yourself in our shoes.

    Beth: You have a good husband who loves you and your son and wants yo build a beautiful life with you guys but you can’t allow insecurities or misunderstandings to interfere with that.

    Beth: Work on things that’s fine but dont push someone away that is wanting to be both your friends.

    Beth: Take time to think. I won’t push it.

    Beth: What i mean by this is to trust your husband. He is incredibly loyal to you. But he is a social, helpful person who gets along with women as his friends and you need to accept that and trust that there is no ill intentions and he is genuinely just building friendships.

    She literally sent this in a space of 6 minutes.

    Me: Sure, I’ll put myself in your shoes. Visiting a man only when his wife isn’t home. Constantly asking him for help with menial things around the house. I reached out to bury the hatchet. And then you spit out about i mustn’t let my insecurities get in the way of someone’s blatant disrespectful actions?? LOL! And again, I don’t care who he is friends with. Whether its a penis or a vagina. I’m not jealous by nature, as hes had dinner with exes, we’ve had threesomes and we constantly comment on women that we see in public. But when something makes me uncomfortable and I ask that the visits while I’m away stop, then I’m insecure? Thanks

    Beth: No OP. That’s not what I am saying. I was trying to get you to understand that you have a loving and loyal husband and need to allow him to be friends with others. I did explain to you from my side why I did visit when you weren’t there and still did say I will respect you boundaries moving forward but would really like to maintain our friendship

    Me: He can be friends with whoever the fuck he wants to. I didn’t tell him to cut you off. I only asked that you not visit when I’m not here. That’s it. If he ended the friendship, that was him. Your blatant disrespect now honestly killed any chances. I said to you that its not a good idea now while we work on things. And you decided that your fucking opinion mattered. If I made a mistake, I would never put the blame on the other woman, blaming her insecurities and saying she must let her husband be friends with other women. Shame on you

    Beth: I will give you time.😘.

    Me: There’s nothing to think about. You showed exactly who you are, your narcissistic need for attention led you to overstep. Whatever place you imagined you had in Carl’s life doesn’t exist. He even sees how disrespectful and unacceptable your behaviour was. All of us have lost every ounce of respect for you. Enjoy the life you’ve made for yourself.

    I then blocked her. My husband was appalled by her behaviour and said that it’s completely unacceptable. He did not text her to say that, but he did decide that cutting her off was the only option. He promised he would tell me if she texted him, and he hasn’t said anything, so I am trusting him.

    She has moved out of the estate and is no longer part of our lives. I wish I could’ve given her a proper send off… a glitter bomb or raw fish down her car vents, but I was too preoccupied with work and my baby.

    We are doing much better, and he sees how much his actions have hurt me. He is making more of an effort to make me feel better and happy and secure in our marriage.

    Thanks for reading.

    Top Comments

    Commenter 1: WHY are you telling this potential homewrecker all your personal information???

    Stop texting her! You’re just giving her the upper hand here. Spilling the beans on every facet of your relationship with your husband. STOP. I don’t think this is the end of it. He’s telling you what you want to hear, she’s telling you things about your husband as if you don’t know him. He’ll be loving it. This is going one way and I hope you see it and take control before they manipulate you further.

    Commenter 2: While it may have been cathartic OP you have her so much information/ammo to use about your relationship. And the way she’s acting it seems your husband painted a very different picture of things to give her the impression this was acceptable behavior.

    I hope things work out between you and your husband though.

    Commenter 3: You told her way too much. When she asks if you can still be friends say “No”. Don’t blurt out more of your personal information. It gives her ammunition to argue.

    Commenter 4: There is power in silence, just saying, You should have never texted her in the first place. Don’t let people who are trying to get between you know that anything they have done has any power in your relationship.

    • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
      1·
      9 hours ago

      Update #2: October 8, 2025 (same post, 12 hours later)

      NEW UPDATE: Hi All,

      I’ve read through all the comments and did some thinking. I realize that I stuck my whole damn leg in my mouth, but I was so caught up in the heat of the moments. I guess it was a mix of me being on new medication, anger that my husband would not just tell her to fuck off, and me trying to set the picture of me not being anything close to jealous. I realize my mistake, and it is what it is.

      To those saying fake, I don’t really care, that’s why I posted on a venting sub.

      Even though things are going better now, and we are in therapy, I still hold resentment because he outright refused to block her while she lived in the estate, saying “What if there’s an emergency? I can’t block a tenant.” and he refused to call her out on her behaviour because “he doesn’t want drama”. I respect his decision, but it still hurts. We’ve been together for nearly 10 years and I tell him that sometimes I feel he cares about other people’s emotions more than mine. I pretty much am just keeping a low profile now, spending time with my son and trying to focus on the happiness that I do have. Whatever decisions he makes now going forward, I will address it when it happens. I was not in a good mental space when this whole thing happened, am I am growing as a person and learning to control my emotions. Also to control what I just blurt out when I am upset.

      Thank you for everyone’s input. It’s not healthy for me to keep dwelling on this. I am moving on now. Whether my husband wants to move on with me, or keep to his old ways… I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. And I have a plan for IF things do go sideways.

      Thank you all.

      DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

      THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP